Cross My Heart

Chapter 7

Bella's P.O.V

It was a bad sign when he ran out of the car. It was a red flag when he didn't come back. It was fucking red flags and flashing red lights when I opened the door to my room and found him standing there, looking all shaken up and so... handsome. It came to the point where I wanted to kick him out, shut the door forever and run for the hills. I wanted to go through withdrawal. I needed withdrawal from the most addicting drug I ever encountered. I drug I taken the so little it gave me.

He wanted to tell me things, he wanted to do things that he knew he shouldn't. That alone was enough for me to know that something with him is not right. Is he running from something? Hiding from something? Did he do something? I wanted to ask him, but I knew he couldn't answer. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. He tried fighting me off, but failed. I failed, but it makes me wonder how much of a fight did he put up. I didn't put much of a fight because I wanted him. Did he see the lost cause almost as soon as I did?

He can't fight it, but it doesn't mean he won't if he had to... that's what he said... the thought alone scares me.

He's sitting on my bed with his head down. He looks so... vulnerable.

"I wanted tonight to be perfect," he said. "Unforgettable perhaps. The one you would run off telling Alice and Rosalie, but I ruined it."

I break my barrier. I walk over to him and kneel down in front of him, bringing his face up to mine. "If there's one thing you have to know about me is that I don't need perfect. I don't need unforgettable. It's all useless if it isn't real. That's all I want, Silas. I want real. Real is all I've felt since I met you. I'm concerned, yes, because I have a feeling in my gut that tells me you're going to break my heart. More now after what you told me. But..." I pause, thinking through if I really want to say what I am about to say. "But I'm am willing to take my chances. Broken hearts are part of life experiences. I'm willing to take that risk."

My inner independent woman has rolled her eyes and pulled her hair out with her fists. But if I'm anything beside an aspiring independent woman, is a honest woman. I'm being nothing but honest. I am willing to take that chance. Silas looks at me through his thick eyelashes and sighs. His hands grip mine on his lap as he pulls me up, sitting me until I'm straddling him with each leg on his side. Our faces are just inches from each other. His hot breath wraps around me so exquisitely that cold shivers run down my spin and I shudder. He pulls my hair back, exposing my shoulders and face and looks at me... admiringly?

"What the hell am I going to do with you?" He asked, though I am not sure if he's waiting for me to answer or it was a rhetorical question.

I simply shrug.

His eyes clench together tightly and when hen he opens them a few seconds later, I see struggle and guilt.

"I can't... fuck." He lays his head against my shoulder. "Only what you need to know, can you do that? Because that's all I can offer. Only what you need to know and if it's too much then... then I'll walk out right now and leave you alone." He pulls away and looks at me pleadingly. "I will make the most of it, I promise. Cross My Heart." He makes a small cross over his chest. The act alone takes my breath away. "It will be real. Only with a certain amount of limitations."

Can I live with that? With only what I need to know? Something tells me that alone resembles nothing. Can I take nothing from him when I want it all?

"Yes," I say. "I can take that."

Really?! Really? You're willingly submitting yourself to a potential heartbreak? It's like him willingly letting you step on his toes for a stupid dance! You know what happened then and it was only his toes. We are letting ourselves be played with someone we barely even know! That's seriously what you're doing right now?