Dangerous Curves

Chapter 15

Susan's POV

The first rays of sunlight peek through my bedroom window. I reach for my phone to check for messages. None from Philip, my heart sinks. He's read my last messages but hasn't responded. Weird. He was online three hours ago. I sent him the message six hours ago. I decide to send him a good morning text, it's not delivered. Maybe his WiFi is off. I shouldn't be overthinking on such petty things..

I get out of the bed, my wavy hair a huge mess above my head. I feel sluggish and tired. Typical Monday morning. 

I enter the kitchen to notice a  tower of unwashed dishes. Under my bare feet, are some sticky food remnants prickling the soles of my feet. Disgusting. I sometimes wonder if I am staying in a house of adults. I sigh and start washing the dishes, though I hate the cold morning water. Once done, I open the fridge-same old contents staring at me-bland, used up or out of date. I get the cheese and butter out of the fridge, today's lunch is going to be plain sandwiches. My thoughts wander to Philip, how must he be looking right now? I can't wait to see his morning hair and sleepy mood. Was he a grumpy person in the morning? Or was he an early riser that needed some cardio and weights to kick start his day? There's a happy feeling that rushes through me when I think of him. Finally, life won't be as lonely anymore. I have Philip now. 

Later, I decide to wear a blue blouse and a pair of black pants, I slip on a small pair of drop earrings and tie my hair in a ponytail. I flush when I see the end look in the mirror, I look kinda nice. I want to see him today. I want to see him every time. I'll ask him if I can see him today. I hope he says yes. 

At school, I check my phone, from the first period to the fourth, still no messages..I wonder where he is..

I feel sick, he usually replies me instantly, what's happened today? Is he really that busy or is he mad at me because I left him hanging last night? I can barely concentrate in the class, my thoughts keep drifting to him. I am in a hurry for the classes to be over so I can check my phone.

During lunch break, I check my phone to see the messages have been delivered and that he last was online twenty-three minutes ago. But he still hasn't responded to my messages. My stomach hurts even more and I can't bring myself to eat my food. I feel nauseous. I just need to hear from him to feel better. I don't want to be left again.

I tossed my phone aside and promised myself the next time I will look at it will be when I am leaving school. A voice in my head was giving me hopes that i will receive his reply soon. I was praying he would talk to me again, but deep down another voice was telling me a bitter truth-he's cancelling on me. But my heart refused to believe it. He isn't like them, I can't be mistaken again..

I am in one of those moods where physically everything looks okay but mentally you're hurting. You're really sad but at the same time you want to talk to someone and make them hug you, so you don't feel so crappy. But I have no one. I cannot go to my mother, nor friends because i have none, no coworkers because I don't share a close relationship with them. I am stuck, I have no shoulder to lean on..I have to live in this misery.

I feel emotionally drained-he just read my messages an hour ago and still hasn't responded. Why? I leave him a message asking him if he is okay . I wait. Five minutes go by, then ten, but I receive no reply, my stomach sinks even more. I feel my eyes starting to fill up, I wipe the tears before they roll on my cheeks. Ten minutes later I call him, my mind chanting a 'please pick up' mantra endlessly. No response. I shamelessly call him five more times in a row-I don't care. I need to know if he is okay. 

At work, I can barely think straight. My mind has a million things running around it. All I want is to be alone. It's nearly going to be 24 hours since I last heard from him, and he has means to reach me, but he isn't. He is reading my messages, but he doesn't reply to me. He has really changed his mind about me. He asked me out, why is he ignoring me now? 
I blink continuously to push back the tears. 

I cannot wait for this shift to be over. My head hurts and i fell nauseous. I can barely talk to a customer without my voice sounding brittle. I just want to be alone and crawl back in my shell. What was wrong with me to think I had finally found happiness? I shouldn't have trusted him this easily- I was affection-starved, I happily accepted him, but now here I am, alone again. But it's not a new feeling, I am used to it- I am used to people cancelling out on me, I am used to being left out and being the second option. I am used to being forgotten about and ignored, but every time it feels like the first. It feels like no matter what I do, the aching in my heart wouldn't stop.