A Broken Bond(Raven branwen x male reader)

I Don't Know Anymore

I don't know what to do anymore,I don't know how to feel anymore I just feel numb anger and sadness.That's why I am going on a month or two or three month break and I know I'm piece of shit for doing this.I know I got stories that I need to work on and I hardly update.Well I'm sorry that I'm only Human and theres only so munch shit I can put up with.Now don't get me wrong I'm not mad nor do I hate you guys it's just life is beating the shit out of me.My real dad is a piece of shit who left me when I was born my mom got remarried to a man I consider my father.But right now I hate my family wanna know why well let's go down the fucking list.My step dad is a drunk bastard who can't stop drinking and fights with my mom,and my mom well she drags me through the shit,I have to become and adult I'm just a fucking teenager who has to take of some crying drunk man he considers his father .Seven years they dragged me through shit they cost me one the best girls,She saved me and beacause of them she broke up with me.My mom comes to me compliaing saying it's not fair to her that she has too put with it and my baby brother doesn't have to worry about a thing he's only three and doesn't understanding what's going on.Me though I have to go through toture mental pain and I bet your thinking that's not so bad yeah I know that It could be worse but this is the pain I'm suffering from.I mean the man you basically rasied you is some drunk piece of shit who fights with your mom and puts your through all the pain.When your mom puts your through all that shit and she knows it but doesn't say sorry until you loes everything important to you it's BULLSHIT THAT I HAVE TO SUFFER CAUSE THEY CAN'T FIX THEMSELFS.I mean do you what it's like to have your drunk dad come into your room when your young confused and scared and he just come in there walking like drunk person and lays on your bed and when they have you leave the room and he just follows you into the another bed and NO HE DIDN'T RAPE ME he just slept on the bed but it was so congusing and scary for me reminder I WAS A FUCKING KID.Like I said I know it could be worse and maybe some of you guys I know how I feel and I am not asking for pitty No Fuck that.I just want you guys to understand that I need this Break I love writing but it's fucking stressful to have to worry about School.Freinds drama,A drunk dad,Parenst fighting and taking care of a younger sibling.Not once worrying about yourself I would stress my self out so bad when I was younger and No fucking kid should,no kid should dread coming home or for it to be the weekend.Then it's my fault when d-facts got invloved aka Child serivces and why did they step in well cause one nignt it got real bad(This was last year)My parents started hitting each other then my Mom came to my room with my baby brother to get away from my dad since that's why he wanted.My drunk Dad(Aka step dad I call him Dad)came up their and was complaing about my mom dumbing water on him and I decide I had enough So I told him just to put in the dryer and he got mad and raised his voice at me and step forward with his fist clench like he was gonna hit me,Then fear overwhelmed me and I backed down.The man I consider my dad about to hit me the man who basically raised me was probably about to hit me over a wet FUCKING SHIRT.Next day I told a school counsler what happened and then later on I was called up to Mr.benton to find out there was a lady from Child services and asked me questions and after she left they called my mom then Boom it's my fucking fault.And we didn't get seperated they gave us waring but it didn't stop which ened up costing my girlfriend in the end and like I said she saved me from killing myself,No she didn't catch me trying to I thought of killing myself I was on the edge and I had recently tried to run away but my mom got me to come back home.Anyways I was on the edge so ready just to die but she came into my mind and so did my baby brother and I thought of how they would feel and it broke my heart so I pulled through for them.But well enough it stopped for awhile and my Moms side of family that I grew up with knew about what happen and I started to become the black sheep of the Family.Life wasn't to bad I was depressed about losing my girlfriend but moved on but forever mentally scarred.Then it got bad again which happend recently dad get drunk and is mad and yells at my mom bitch cunt and she goes on it's mental abuse.And I feel like if anyone is getting mentally abused it's me but what the fuck do I know right I'm just some whiny bitch.Then I feel like cutting myself but i'm not sure so I call my cousin and I talk to her and I told her what was up and freaked out I told her to calm down and not say a thing(Also It was bad that I snapped on them yelled at them both and cursing too)Anyways she says she calm down and she won't say a thing.WELL GUESS what my mom founf out and she asked me questions and now I'm on high alret of wanting to kill myself when that's what I never wanted to do.Then my family finds out and I become the black sheep of the family "Oh boo me"No fuck that shit I don't want to be different,I don't wanna be treated differetnly but everyone treats me like I'm diffeent or speical and I FUCING HATE IT.Then theirs my friend I trust them I would give them my life but a lot of them have back stabbed me breaking me more.I help everyone but the moment I need help no one batts an eyelash towards me,No one cares.Then the girl I started dating broke up with me and at this point i don't what to do anymore Three girls have broken up with me two this year and one last year but I feel like it's beacuse of me well one of them was bitch and she used people so I feel like two of them broke up with me cause of who I am(And no the bitch is not the girl who recently broke up with me).In the end I just need to get some time to my self and it's not that I hate writing ,no far from it but it's hard having to worry about all this shit and worrying about getting a chapter out for you guys and of course once i'm good I'll come back and I might still update but it won't be often.I will probably get the lemon book out,two chapters for each book and try get some stories out and I don't want to be rushed

And sorry for going off and complaing like a little bitch about stupid shit

oh and my mom wants me to see a threapist

Also don't talk shit about my mom,I may be pissed and hate her right now but she still raised me and cared for me instead of killing me when she had the chance,She was in college when she got pregnant with me.Thaks for all the support and sorry for being a shitty author and puting up with my shit and no you guys don't have to worry about me killing my self I just need a break and time do my own things and get my thoughts straight and figure myself out and when I do that I'll come back a better author.