Colors//m.c

Twenty One

I found myself scrutinizing my mothers face, searching for something different, some hint that she hated where she was at, but I found none.

I was visiting her, once again. Maybe I wanted some thing to reassure me she missed me, but if anything she seemed happier when not around me.

She was watching tv when I entered her room, not even bothering to look up, until I had said her name sharply.

"Macey!" She smiles, running a hand through her hair (Which, I noted was freshly cut). I had been informed she was going into rehab soon. I alwayss felt like I knew my mother, like she thought she knew me. But in reality I knew nothing about her. Knew nothing about how some times, instead of going to work, she would go to the bar. With her boyfriend, who I also didn't know she had. I felt like I let her down, and if I had bothered to care, maybe she wouldn't be where she was right now. And I wouldn't be where I was.

After making meaningless talk for fifteen minutes, she finally says something about her situation.

"You know you won't be able to see me soon. For six months. But you can write letters." She motions for me to sit on the edge of her bed. I was surprised by her sudden interest in Wanting Me By Her, and sit. "I mean, I won't be able to read the letters. I just want to get better. Hopefully I'll be able to be out by your graduation."

I don't know what I expected. Maybe a sorry. Maybe an I miss you. But she said no more.

"Its a start, Macey." She pulls me towards her, and my head is resting on her shoulder.

My mom had never been one for physical contact. But after growing up like that for a few years, you start to get used to it. I found myself drawing to her touch, cherishing this moment, which I knew wouldn't last.

"I know." I whispered.

During the whole visit, she mentioned nothing of Dave. Nothing. And by the time I left, I suddenly felt angry Myrcella forced me to come. It then hit me that no matter how annoying she was, in the time I knew Myrcella, she was a better mother than mine had ever been.

That night was quiet, full of questions asked by Dave and Myrcella. Not that I wanted to answer any.

"So how was your visit?" Dave asks me, even though I know he knew the answer.

"It was alright. I guess I have to stay here longer." It wasn't meant to sound resentful, but the sentence came out that way. She tries to mask the hurt on her face while Dave sat there, unmoving. I wasn't exactly surprised. Like after my first day at school, while Myrcella pressed me for details about my day, he was silent. Like he was dissapointed in me, or something. Today was the first time he asked me something; fake interest, maybe.

"Not that its bad here!" I rush out. "I just meant... Sorry." I had no idea what else to say. "I hope you know what I meant."

"I understand Macey." Myrcella tells me, patting my arm reassuringly. "I know its hard."

"I just miss her, you know? She's my only family." Only until after the sentence came out did I know that was the wrong thing to say. I couldn't get anything right today. I stand up, my half empty plate of lasagna in hand, ready to go to my room. Dave's eyes widen, and he stands up, apalled.

"How can you say that?" He shakes his head. "I wrote letters. You are the one who never answered, and it became clear you didn't want any more family. I tried to be your Dad." He shakes his head.

Myrcella is now standing, trying to stop the fight coming on. "Guys, stop! Dave, you know Macey isn't ready for thi-"

I hated this. Being talked about as if I wasn't there, as if there was some thing wrong with me. Like I was fragile, for some reason. I was completely normal, and saw no reason to this.

"Why do you talk like i'm not a grown up?" I spin towards Myrcella. "I appreciate you guys letting me stay here, I really do. But its not like any of us enjoy it! I can live by myself, legally. And what the hell is 'You know Macey isn't ready for this' supposed to mean?" I narrow my eyes, turning back towards Dave, my so called Father.

"Oh yeah, you wrote letters!" I scoffed. "They all just happened to get lost, right? Dave, don't try and act like your my father all of a sudden." I threw my plate on the table, ignoring the splattered sauce all over the table. Honestly, this day couldn't get any worse. And to top it off, I had to work tomorrow, and then it was Monday. School. "And even if you did write letters, you never bothered to see me. What's the point in that?"

That was when I started running up the stairs, only stopping when I heard Dave again.

"I really did write letters. You don't have to believe me."

"I don't." I spit out, and slam my door, pulling out my phone to call Michael. I had never really acted like a teenage girl before. Sure,i was always moody, but that was different. This was one of the first times I slammed my door angrily, like a teenage girl. And I hated feeling that way. Feeling like I was no more than a moody teenage girl.

The phone went straight to voicemail. I peered out the window, and saw Michael's house was unoccupied. It seemed that every time I needed to talk to him, he wasn't available.

I was still confused if Michael was my boyfriend or not. Another of those teenage girl things. We never really established that. We had been acting like "a couple", but I had no idea if we were or not. Were we supposed to talk about it?

If Dave had written letters, I wondered why I never got them. Maybe they were kept from me. But I didn't see why they would be.

I remembered at my old house, when I would sit on my windowsill, and some times, I would jump down, and go to where it all started.

I missed that.

So I opened up my window, first shimmying my legs out, and jumped down.

-

so this was rushed but hey an update

ooo drama

tell me what you guys think, comments make me soo happy :-)

ily all so so much

btw seriously guys I always love talking to people so message me any time I am a pretty rad person so

And if anybody can make good covers, contact me bc I have some new stories and i'm too lazy to make some so yeah