A Serpents Soft Belly | Sweet Pea

I Can't Take It Anymore...

I actually write stuffs but I just don't feel like it someday, but I do now.

I took my lop top and opened it, I opened my notes and started to write a letter...a suicidal one...

*I got this paragraph from a video I saw in facebook but I revised it a little bit, I got out some of the words, sentences, and other phrases, and I added some of the parts. This is just a disclaimer*

*the letter*

They said that the world is full of inevitability. Along sadness is the beginning of depression, confusion, the fear of rejection, and the harshness of the thing we call reality, and each of these feelings, another type of sorrow, like an ending cycle of negativity. I, Vanessa Granger is not an exception. Is it because that I feared something like this would happen? That I am afraid that I will feel cheated, like someone told me they liked me and it turns out that it was a big fat lie? Afraid to let in someone for years because of the fear that it was all a lie, all those years I locked myself out, and by the time I open my hear out to someone it gets smashed into millions of pieces. I just don't get why he doesn't like me...even if I'm in a big noisy crowd, I am always alone, not with him, no one to hold my hand and tell me that everything will be fine. Who am I kidding? Nothing will ever change, people will still look at me like...like I am...I'm useless. I don't understand, why understanding yourself is the hardest thing to understand. This is my fight, my battle, my war...to understand myself. I'll never know how I'll win, for there is no weapon you can use.
I didn't know why I hadn't seen it before, I hadn't felt that Jughead was the only boy that can make me feel happy about myself, gives me confidence, and I just now realized that I love him, not just a love from a friend but from a depressed lover. I love Jughead Jones III.
And I regret not telling him this.
This fight, this battle, this war...its game over. My capitulation to my world of sadness, and pain gave me satisfaction.
As I saw the blood gushing from my wrist, I felt completion, happiness, and satisfaction. For the first time I had found love, kindness, and things I didn't knew existed, I loved him but I guess he doesn't feel the same way...
Death is the only way...it will embrace my hope and it stopped my illusion of breathing, I understand everything now, I was already dead that me living in this crazy fantasy of mine was only a hallucination.

I ran my hand through my hair while leaving my lop top on my desk on. I went inside my bathroom and stared at my reflection only to see a girl that no longer needs life.

I opened the compartment behind the mirror getting the sharp blade out.

I get my phone and dialed Jughead, the only person that understands me right now, the only person that gives me the affection no one ever made me feel.

"Hey Vanessa!" I hear Jughead said happily "h-hi" I said while hearing the dryness and the cracking sound from my voice "whats wrong?" he asked worriedly "I'm so s-sorry f-for doing this, I h-have to say g-good b-bye now...I uhh, b-bye Juggy" I said while turning my phone off.

I cried and I cried for minutes...I then sticked the blade on my wrist vertically and in no matter of seconds I saw a lot of blood gushing out of my wrist and I can feel myself getting lightheaded.

I then looked out from my door and saw Jughead bursting inside while I gave him a warm smile and everything blacked out.

Double Update 🙃🙃🙃