Because I'm a Girl

Chapter 29

"One more event," I said. "That's all we have left to make a difference. I realized I never got to spread awareness about the issues girls face and after learning about the issues guys face, I also want to spread awareness about their issues, too. Do any of you have ideas of what our last event should be? We want to spread awareness for the issues both genders face."

My eyes scanned my club members and they all looked deep in thought. Most of them sat near the front of the classroom, huddled together, and Josh sat at the very back. I looked at him and smiled, and he smiled back immediately.

"What about a TED talk-like event?" Emily offered. "I love watching TED Talks because they're really motivational. If we want to move people with our words, we should host an event where people talk about their experiences with sexism."

My eyes widened at her idea because it was brilliant. It was just what I needed to spread awareness. Grinning, I grew excited.

"That's an amazing idea," I said. "What does everyone think?"

Everyone began to nod and mumble how they liked the idea, which left me growing more excited. As I realized I had the opportunity to finally speak out about the issues girls faced, I grew thrilled.

"So, we all have to make speeches?" Will asked.

"No," I said. "If you want to you can. I think we'll only be able to hold a one hour event, so we'll just need enough speakers to fill in that time slot."

Will nodded and I looked around the room, wondering who would be willing to speak. Some of my members seemed excited and some of them seemed indifferent. Looking at Josh, I thought about what he taught me and I thought about the sexism he faced at home. Keeping my eyes on him I wondered if somehow, he'd be willing to speak up.

"Okay, for now talk amongst each other about how this event will work," I said. "Also, we want a lot of people to come to this event. I want everyone to make their friends come and to also promote this event as much as they can."

Everyone started talking to each other and I walked over to Josh. I was staring at him and he was staring at me, and he was expressionless. His face was guarded and I had a feeling he knew what I wanted to ask.

"Hey," I said, stopping in front of his desk. "What do you think about the event?"

"I like it," Josh said. "It's a great way to spread awareness."

Staring at Josh for a second, I bit my lip and wondered if I was pushing a boundary. I knew Josh wouldn't be comfortable, but having him up on stage would be huge. Josh was popular and he also had a good story, which  made me hope that somehow, Josh would be willing to speak on stage.

"I think it would be really good for everyone if you talk about how guys have to hide their emotions to seem masculine," I said, clasping my hands together. "You're popular and you have a huge influence in our school. And your story... it moved me and I think it'll move others. If you open up, I'm sure people will learn to stop expecting boys to be emotionless."

"You know I can't do that," Josh said. "I... I don't like public speaking. I especially don't like talking about my feelings. I can do it with you, but... not with people I don't care about."

Sighing, I knew I should have expected his response. Josh hated being vulnerable and I understood that. It was who he was and I had no right to push him to do something he wasn't comfortable with.

"I understand," I said. "But... please think about it. Okay?"

"Okay," Josh said, his eyes softening. "Are you going to be one of the speakers?"

"Of course." I smiled. "I'm not sure what I want to talk about yet, but I'll figure it out."

Josh smiled and we stared at each other for a second. We often had moments where we just stared at each other. They happened randomly and it seemed like sometimes, we just needed a moment to soak each other in.

"You should invite your mom," Josh said. "She should hear what you have to say."

"No," I said, stunned. "She'll... she'll become angry if she sees me talking about sexism. She usually thinks I'm overreacting."

"But you said it yourself, you usually snap when you try to explain to her. If she sees you speaking on stage in front of a crowd, she'll understand just how important this topic is to you. She'll see where you're coming from."

"My mom isn't that understanding. I wish she was, but she's not."

I grew deflated with the thought of how my mom would never understand. No matter what I did, my mom would ignore what I'd say and focus on her outdated views. I hated how she did that, but there was nothing I could do.

"You'll never know unless you try," Josh said. "It's better to try and fail, then to not try and wonder what could have been."

"Okay, maybe I'll invite her," I mumbled, giving in.

Josh shot me a look and I smiled sheepishly. With a sigh, I realized Josh was right. It was unlikely I could ever change my mom's perspective, but I knew I had to try. Just once more, at least.

"Fine, I will," I said. "But if I'm going to invite my mom, I want you to invite your dad."

"I'm not going to be a speaker," Josh said.

I gave Josh a look and he shook his head, but smiled. He groaned and I laughed lightly, knowing we were both too stubborn. I wondered where that trait would take us as a couple.

"If I do speak, I'll try to invite my dad," Josh said. "I can't make any promises because I'm not in the mood to have my dad call me weak for talking about my feelings, but... we'll see."

"Thank you," I said. "Seriously, I know this is hard for you, but it would mean a lot if you spoke on stage."

Josh's eyes softened and I smiled at him. I really wanted him to be one of the speakers, but I knew better than to pressure him. Josh was different than me. He wan't much of a speaker and I respected that.