Letters // Ashton Irwin

XVII

xvii

Ashton's speech was touching. Like, extremely touching. Nothing more could describe it, really. You would say it was heartbreaking, or beautiful, or sad but also sweet because damn he said some really great things during his minutes. But nothing could really describe his speech the way they should. Tiffany wanted to cry her eyes out and at the same time laugh her lungs dry. She wanted to hug someone so tight they couldn't breathe anymore but also punch them so hard they fell to the ground and couldn't get up for at least a solid hour or two. Ashton's speech had brought up all kind of emotions that obviously shouldn't be felt at the same time.

Earlier in the car, on the way to his grandmother's funeral, he kept asking them - his mother, his cousin, and Tiffany - whether he should read his speech, the one he had written through the days between her death and this day, or just say whatever was on his mind at the moment he was supposed to say something.

He couldn't have decided it was going to be the second option any later, since he quickly whispered that he was 'going to say the fuck he wanted' in Tiffany's ear only seconds before he got up with already teary eyes. At the end of his speech, Ashton read out something his grandmother had told on his grandfather's funeral only 4 years ago.

'..The air is thin and our skin is desperate

to feel summer heats.

The day smells like honey and the sea with its endless waves.

Everyone's here.

Everyone has you and only you on their mind.

Our throats are dry but we speak about you and even more do we stay silent.

We feel the wind go through our bodies

and try to understand how it must've felt to break every bone you have

and having to gasp for air.

Now, all our hands are empty

and useless..'

Days went by, weeks passed, and Tiffany was still with Ashton in Australia. His grandmother's death had appeared to leave a greater impact on him than anyone had ever thought. Not only did he feel sad, or down if you prefer, but also did he barely eat, got really insecure about himself, and he had even become a little anti-social. Ashton's mother had told Tiffany that Ashton wasn't acting like this only because of what had happened weeks ago, but told her that - and this shocked Tiffany - he had been depressed when he was younger. His grandmother's death hadn't really caused his depressive behaviour to return, but it certainly had given him the last push he needed to fall apart.

Tiffany didn't want to leave him until he was feeling good enough. And as soon as he was, she would go back to England, and he would stay with his family for another while.

On a rainy day in April, while Tiffany was gone shopping, the day before she was going back to England, Ashton stayed home, as usual. She had left post-it notes around the house to hopefully make him smile, which worked. Because it started with one on his bed room door saying "good morning sunshine, your hair looks good today!" which she had written down because Ashton always hated his hair in the morning while she found it extremely cute and even hot. Then another one followed on the mirror in the bathroom saying "I love you" like, really big and then a heart was made next to it with shaving foam which made him smile like an idiot, despite the fact it made him a little grumpy as well because he now couldn't shave anymore AND had to clean it before his mother would come home from work.

Then after another 5 or 6 notes he came downstairs. And walking into the kitchen, he noticed a last post-it note on the fridge. "eat! eat like there's no tomorrow and enjoy it!" , Tiffany had written that knowing that it wasn't that easy. You couldn't just tell someone with eating problems - Ashton didn't have a disorder, he just wasn't hungry most of the time - , because that was like telling someone with a broken leg to just run, but for this time it luckily worked. Ashton ate a 'real' breakfast for the first time in days, and most important; he did enjoy it.

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omg sorry it took me 3 weeks but I had tests week at school and idk I guess because of all the stress and stuff I couldn't really get inspired to write anymore but here's a new part and I hope you enjoy :)