stay » hyunghyuk

four

❀

"hey, hyungwon."

hoseok walks up to hyungwon after they're done shooting at an outdoors scene for the day.

"oh, hello hoseok. is something the matter?" hyungwon takes a seat on a nearby bench, motioning for hoseok to do the same.

"i was just wondering." hoseok stares at him meaningfully, with a small smile on his lips. "since we have half the day off tomorrow and all. if you wouldn't mind, i'd like to treat you to dinner and perhaps some drinks afterwards at my place?"

oh.

oh.

hyungwon rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, averting his gaze. "um, hoseok. look, you're really nice and all, so don't take this the wrong way. but... i kind of have a boyfriend already."

"i know."

hyungwon's head whips back to hoseok.

hoseok smiles.

"would you like me to change that?"

❀

"hello, wonnie. why are you suddenly calling me? i thought you would be busy until early morning." minhyuk's voice is slightly rougher than usual.

"the director gave us half a day off, actually." hyungwon sits on the edge of his bed. "but i didn't think i'd be able to spend much time with you anyway if i went back, so i just stayed here. sorry."

"it's okay. i'm just glad i get to talk with you." minhyuk pauses, and hyungwon hears a fit of coughing in the distance, as if minhyuk is holding the phone away from his mouth.

"are you okay?" hyungwon asks worriedly.

"yeah, i'm alright. i think i just accidentally caught a cold a few days ago," minhyuk assures.

"you should go see a doctor if it goes on for too long."

"i know, wonnie. i will."

despite minhyuk still using hyungwon's nickname, he knows that the feeling he used to get whenever he heard it is no longer there. he also finds himself at a lack of words to keep the conversation going; something that he's never experienced during the time they still lived together in daegu.

and honestly? it scares him.

it scares him so much.

hyungwon can't bring himself to do it. to do what hoseok wants, and to do what he thinks he wants for himself.

"wonnie? are you still there?"

"huh? oh, yeah, i am. sorry, i was thinking about... something." hyungwon's hand picks at a loose thread of his shirt. "i should probably go. now's probably the only chance i'll have to get enough sleep."

minhyuk laughs. "you really do love sleeping. okay then, i won't disturb you. sleep tight."

"mhm." hyungwon's about to hang up, but he hesitates, bringing the phone back to his ear.

"minhyuk?"

"hm?"

"i... i love you. you know that, right?" hyungwon feels his heart clenching.

hyungwon doesn't see it, but on the other end of the phone, minhyuk is smiling like he's the happiest person in the world (and maybe, in this moment, he really is).

"i do. i love you too, wonnie."

the call ends, and as hyungwon's grip on his phone tightens, he wonders if this is really the right thing to do.

❀

"what do you mean, you didn't tell him?" hoseok demands, when hyungwon confronts him during their five-minute break the next day.

"i just couldn't, okay?" hyungwon defends weakly.

"hyungwon, if you don't end this soon, then i'll do it for you." hoseok lowers his voice, seeing a few people from the production crew walking past. "i really don't want to be that guy, but if it means we'll finally be happy, then i'm willing to do whatever's necessary. i hope you can understand."

hyungwon chews on his bottom lip, sighing.

"...i can."

"thank you." hoseok looks around to make sure nobody's looking, before quickly pecking hyungwon on his left cheek. "i trust that you can do it tonight after you get home?"

"yeah."

"good. now let's get back to work." hoseok grins, and hyungwon's heart skips a beat.

ah. he didn't know he was still capable of feeling that at all. after being deprived of any proper interactions with minhyuk for so long, hyungwon slowly felt his feelings slipping like sand through the cracks of his fingers. calling minhyuk on the phone, or seeing him on his laptop screen through a video chat and listening to his voice no longer caused a tender warmth to bubble up in hyungwon's chest; it was like minhyuk couldn't make hyungwon feel any emotions related to love anymore.

but hoseok could.

hoseok makes hyungwon feel things that he hasn't felt in a long time; regardless of whether it's when they occasionally sneak secret glances at each other across the shooting location, or when hoseok steals a kiss while no one else is looking.

so in the end, when it comes to choosing between hoseok or minhyuk, hyungwon is honestly terrified of what his own answer will be.

❀

"hi, wonnie. how was today?" minhyuk picks up after the second ring. had he been waiting for hyungwon to call all this time?

"it was.. alright." hyungwon says simply, and after a moment of gathering his courage, he speaks up again. "but that isn't why i called you tonight. minhyuk, we need to talk."

the silence that follows is deafening.

"okay."

hyungwon's heart almost breaks at how soft minhyuk's voice is.

"i... i'm tired of this. of what we have right now. i can't stand us being so far apart, and barely being able to see your face or even just talk to you without falling asleep, because it's the middle of the night and we're both dead tired. it hurts waking up every day and turning over but seeing that you aren't there next to me, or coming home and not being pulled into a lovingly tight hug." hyungwon rambles on, and it takes all of his willpower not to get choked up. "so, what i'm trying to say is, maybe... maybe we should stop seeing each other. it would be the best for the both of us."

minhyuk doesn't say a word—he seems to be thinking.

please, say something, anything, hyungwon almost wants to scream.

"...it's hoseok, isn't it?"

hyungwon is caught off guard by the sudden assumption.

"wh- what?"

"if this is what you really wish for, then i guess i can do nothing to stop you. i hope-" minhyuk stops abruptly, and hyungwon hears another fit of coughing, this time much more violent; he can imagine minhyuk's body shaking like a leaf in the wind from the sheer force of it. he notices that his voice becomes even hoarser when he continues. "i hope that he can make you happy. as happy as you've made me."

before hyungwon can respond, minhyuk hangs up on him.

it isn't until hyungwon feels drops of water running down his cheeks that he realizes that he's crying.