Better off without him

Chapter 17 - Harper

Xavier was stalking me. I don't know what's gotten in to him lately but I'm a hundred percent sure that he is stalking me. When I got up to go to the bathroom, he was right there walking alongside me and I swear he would have followed me inside had I not stood my ground and glared at him. I freaked out a bit because I thought that he'd say or do something in retaliation to my glaring but he just sulked and stood outside the entrance to the women's bathroom.

When I came out of the bathroom a few minutes later I was shocked to see that he was still there and he followed me back to our table; again with his hand at the small of my back. It was the touching that freaked me out the most and made my breath catch because on more than one occasion he has told me how much I repulsed him. I recall a time only two weeks ago when Macy and Brian invited us to one of their dance practices where they were practicing a routine for their wedding and the dance instructor invited Xavier and I to take part and he flipped his shit. He arrogantly told the instructor that he wouldn't come within five feet of me or purposely touch me if she paid him a million dollars and I almost died of embarrassment.

I remember going home that night and standing in front of the mirror for three hours dissecting every physical feature that I thought Xavier found repulsive about me and could not personally find one thing wrong. I felt so angry because there must be something disgusting about me but my eyes were just refusing to see it. If Xavier could see it, then why couldn't I. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for three days after that, before I decided that I'd just have to accept that I look the way that I do. I've never really hated my appearance but constantly hearing his scathing comments started to chip away at my armour. I hate that I believe every word he's said. It's taken years for me to believe that I am worthy enough to have friends and be part of a family, albeit one member of said family not wanting me to be part of that family at all.

So having Xavier openly put his arm around me or touch me made me feel so confused. I couldn't help but be on alert that he'd try and trip me up or that he maybe stuck some nasty sign on my back. Totally high school right, but I definitely wouldn't put it past him. I was afraid to reach behind me and check whether he did or not.

We arrived back at the table and Macy couldn't stop beaming about our performance.

"You guys were magical on that stage Harp," Macy gushed. "I always knew there was a Beyoncé and Whitney vibe about you girl. You're totally going to smash the competition tonight." I rolled my eyes at her and laughed as she turned her attention towards Xavier, "You need to step up your game bro. How can my girl here win when your singing is cracking every now and then, like that Bieber kid."

This time, we all laughed at Macy and her knack for embarrassing her brother.

"This coming from the girl who had everyone holding their hands against their ears," Xavier joked while ruffling Macy's hair as she tried feebly to whack his hand away. "Besides, that was just me warming up. I got our girl sorted for the next two rounds," Xavier smiled looking in my direction.

Again, I was in shock at him calling me 'his girl' but chose to stay quiet on the matter. Macy however, didn't get the memo.

"Our girl, is there something that I'm missing?" She asked with her eyes darting between the two of us.

I looked away and shook my head at her question and I could feel everyone's eyes on me, but the thought of being Xavier's girl honestly scared me. Before I met him in person I exercised the thought of one day being his girl, but now; with everything that's happened between us, I can't stomach the thought of being in any sort of romantic relationship with him. Maybe he never meant it in that way, but I know for a fact that I could ever look at him or think about him the way that I used to. Some small piece of my stupid heart yearns to be with him, but a bigger part knows that all he'll do is hurt me.