Better off without him

Chapter 18 - Xavier

One minute I was holding Harper in my arms kissing the ever living daylights out of her in one of my most memorable kissing moments. The next minute, she was shoving me away using all her might, but I didn't end up too far from her. She looked confused, angry and embarrassed all at once. I was also a little confused about why she looked at me like that because that was the best damn kiss of my life and she had the softest lips I have ever felt.

I stepped towards her hoping to have her in my arms once again and her lips preferably on mine but she took two steps back away from me, this time looking a little terrified. Seeing that terrified look in her eyes is what stopped me from advancing. Why would she be terrified?

"Harper, what's wrong?" I asked hoping to find the answer to why she was pushing me away.

"What's wrong?" She asked incredulously. "You kissed me," she stated looking frustrated all of a sudden. I preferred her frustration over the terrified look she had on earlier.

"I know and I thought..." I honestly didn't know what I thought. All I knew was that she was a magnet and I was like a piece of metal - drawn to her. How could I not kiss her after that steamy performance of ours on stage. Throughout the whole performance it wasn't only her singing that had me captivated; it was her eyes, the way she smiled so shyly and just the feel of her smaller hand in mine. I just couldn't resist.

It seemed that my answer only served to piss her off more.

"You...you... God, do you really hate me that much that you wish to embarrass me in front of everyone," she said softly, only loud enough for me to hear.

I took a step towards her again, but she moved out of my reach so I stayed where I was trying to get her to look at me, but she kept her eyes glued to the floor. I watched her briefly and noticed that she had a cute tint of red on her cheeks and that she couldn't stop fidgeting with her hands. The look on her face this time, was pure sadness and I couldn't figure out why she'd be so sad.

Did she not feel the searing chemistry that Nick spoke of earlier. I felt it during our first performance but after singing that song made me feel that chemistry tenfold.

"Harper, I'm sorry I kissed you okay, but it wasn't me trying to embarrass you, I just couldn't stop myself."

"You couldn't help yourself. I already know that's a lie Xavier, like I know the back of my hand. There's no way you would have kissed me unless you lost some bet. I'm not some doll that you can mess around with, I'm a being with feelings," she mumbled close to tears and this time when I approached her she actually let me hold her. She tried to pull herself out of my reach but I held her tighter until eventually she just relaxed and stood there with her face buried in my chest mumbling incoherently.

"I'm so sorry Harper, I really couldn't help myself and I know I've said some really fucked up things to you in the past and I would do anything to take them back. I'm so sorry."

She stepped back and looked me in the eyes for a split second before focusing on the ground again and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for being a drama queen. We'll just forget it ever happened and move on."

She turned around and started walking away. I watched as she got back to the table and was once again engulfed in Macy's arms as Macy who I'm sure talked her ear off. As I stood there watching the interaction, I noticed how sad and almost detached Harper looked and I knew it was my fault. I thought back to the first time I ever met Harper at my homecoming party and how shy she was. In all honestly that's all I can remember about our first meeting because the girl kind of faded into the background. I only spoke to her for less than a minute before I was enveloped by all my friends and family who wanted to talk to me.