"Are you sure you can do this?"
Camila looked me in the eye. Her figure was surrounded in smoke and she was holding a knife, one with an obsidean blade with a skull handle. I summoned her again after I won Lauren and our deal had to be made. I could feel Alexander coming.
Of corse in the Endarkened world he was known as the nut job who lost his mind and beat his own daughter. I truely didnt know it was me. Not until people stated dropping hints. By then I couldnt tell Lauren. I knew for sure Id scare her.
Also I didnt want to face the facts.
We were sisters.
"Yes." I took the cold blade into my hands. Camila would wait at the gates of death. When Ally was passing through she would take her spot. Alexander wouldnt see it coming.
Killing him sooner wouldve been nice. I wanted to kill him before the damage could be inflicted but it was already done. Starting when he first began to abuse me.
The nightmares and painful flash backs of whips began making sense. And I loved Lauren so much it hurt. It felt as if the world was falling apart and she kept in intact while smashing it. She made the stas look dull and the grass grey. And it hurt like hell. Nothing romantic about it. She fucking shattered my heart and repaired it with the glance of her green eyes.
And I couldnt love her. Not the way I wanted. She was probably disguisted by me now. She probably hated me and loathed me. I was her pitiful sister. Alexander might be dead but his words left scars that werent visible to the eye.
That night I swore. I swore I loved her. And if there was some way for her to love me. Id find it.
Lauren slept peacefully that night. I watched her in her bed but in one way my heart was still shattered. Im not sure how she could forgive me or love me. Im not sure how she could stand me. I killed the closest thing she had to a mother. I killed the woman who replaced her fake mom.
Miya had taken Cassandras place in the mom department for Lauren. But Miya knew too much for her own good. Something killed inside my gut. It was guilt. Despite his cruela nd mad man behavoir Alexander raised me as a killer. And I killed her mom.
I will always be the cause of her pain. I always have been. I killed Ally. I killed Miya. Her adoptive parents had been kind and nice. When I had run away and gotten taken into the orphanage at age six I remembered my parents. My real ones. My adoptive ones were amazing.
But it was all too much.
Pain and memories flooded my head. I felt a searing heat coarse through my veins. Soundlessly I climbed out her window and sat down on the roof of the shed. Smoking a cigarrette. They were awful and left my throat hoarse but the pain had become welcoming. Besides, breathing is over rated.
"You alright?"
Lauren came to sit next to me on the roof. Her bright green eyes were red and I can tell shes thinking about me and her made up family. I know how much it hurts. It hurts like hell. I remember when I found out. But then again, my adoptive family wasnt as nice as hers. My fake story isnt as happy anyways.
"Yeah fine." I lied.
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Liar."
"Im sorry. I just feel so bad and-"
"Dont feel bad." Lauren interrupts. She leans her head on my chest and we slouch against her window. "This is what siblings do right?"
"Yeah of corse, sometimes when one needs comfort." I say nonchaluantly trying to make this less akward.
"You know that all of this, this sibling shit, doesnt take away my feelings for you." Lauren whispers.
"Please. You hated me Lauren. You cant just snap into love after realizing a broken story."
Her green eyes train on me. "Dinah-"
"You dont have to pity me Laur. We are siblings. Just let it be. We cant be any more than that and you never wanted to. Your in love with my mystery. You love to solve things and know things. Knowledge is your drug and my story is just a big depressing bowl of ice cream and you love it."
Lauren tilts my chin down so I look her in the eyes. "You killed Ally and your upset. You made the trade with Camila because it was a spur of the moment descion and you wanted Alexander dead for doing everything he did to you. For all the abuse and all the anger. For loving me so hard it feels as if you will die because of the pain. You wanted the truth to be lies. And I understand why you did it. And I fell in love with you when I first saw you-"
"Just stop Laur." I interrupt. "I dont believe in love at first sight. Because when people say that it means they thought you were hot and said dam they must be one hell of a person. But in reality you cant do that. A hot person might turn out to be an asshole. You have to work for the love and earn it. And in the end it destroys you. It destroys you and the one you loved."
Her eyes darken and she lifts her head from my chest and sits up. "Thats not what I mean. I watched you. You were fierce and worried and protective. And it was for me. And I wondered how someone I didnt know could love someone else so much and me be so facinated by it. When I learned you were referring to me my heart soared. And I knew I loved you."
But I know Lauren. Lauren isnt in love with me. You cant just say your in love. You have to mean it. It cant just be words but it has to be a feeling. When words turn into music and you can not only feel your heart beat but hear it when that person is around.
When I look at Lauren my heart pounds so hard its like drums in my ears. When she touches me or even the slightest brush of the hand sends tingles through my veins. When her green eyes find mine I feel like Im lost and shes my only air, the thing that keeps me alive.
And then Alexander comes crushing down on me. That I cant love her like that. I shouldnt love her like that. I should want to protect her from people like me and I cant. But somewhere deep inside I know I can but I dont want to. I want to hold her close and kiss her like I love her because I do.
Instead I do what I shouldve done the day we first talked.
"Lauren your my sister. I dont love you like that anymore. We cant be together and dont say that we can because do you know how hard it is to be laughed at and to be the talk of your world because your father abused you? I cant date my sister. I love my sister. But I dont love her in the sense you think."
She rolls her eyes. "Dinah-"
"Just stop. Its not worth it. You never loved me anyway. Im sick and tired of being pitied all the time." I growl. "I'll see you later."
"Dinah please!"
But I just off the roof and land gracefully on my feet. Then I stalk off into the night.
