「ABSENCE」 TMNT 2012

30; Dentists

    "Now, hold on a second!" Leonardo laughed and leaned forward, one hand on his thigh, the other over his chin. "You mean to tell me you have how many cavities?"

    Elly groaned and tossed her head back. "Six!"

    "That's a lot," he commented, grateful he didn't have to suffer the amount of rotten teeth Elly did.

    Leonardo had visited Elly's rooftop the evening before – the day after she'd conversed with him over buttered toast in the sewers – honoring her invitation. In the span of those two visits, they had covered almost every conversation there was to begin an acquaintanceship, and transitioned over to become friends. This was the the second night in a row.

    With a sigh of one accepting the ugly truth, Elly agreed with a, "yeah, it is." They weren't necessarily her fault, since she hadn't had access to a toothbrush in the dungeon cell where the cavities had accumulated. But it was still a discomforting thought, and she dreaded the next morning when she would have to visit the dentist.

    Leo watched her freckled face shift from the cute little grin that made him smile, to the expression of a lost child, one that hurt his heart to see. He tilted his head, trying to see her underneath the hair that had fallen over her eye as she looked down at her hands. "Hey," he called to her softly. "What's on your mind?"

    Behind the curtain of brown hair, the corners of Elly's lips quirked up. She drew in a breath and lifted her head, sighing as she flicked the hair away. "I'm a little scared," she admitted with a small shrug.

    "For tomorrow?"

    "Mhm."

    "Why is that?"

    The wind picked up, whipping against their bodies. Leo's bandana tails danced energetically together in the spring sunset, while Elly's hair, appearing caramelly under the bright light of the evening, swung wildly, slapping across her cheeks and tangling itself into knots. She scooted closer to the turtle so he would be able to hear her with the breeze brushing their ears, although doing so made her feel unusually self-conscious. Leo leaned back as their knees met.

    Without making eye contact, Elly opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She closed it, chewing on her bottom lip. The wind settled before she opened it again. "I'm scared of . . . I'm afraid I'll scream," she began. Before Leo could say anything, she spoke up. "I know it's just the dentist, but I'm afraid of going back, you know?"

    Leo nodded, but he didn't know.

    "I don't want to give the dentist a hard time because I'm freaking out over the light shining in my eyes, or the people hovering over me and picking at me with tools. I mean," she threw her hands up, "I could barely hold myself still when the doctor was giving me a check up the other day. My mom had to hold me down so I wouldn't try to sneak out the door, and I cried the whole time, from the moment we stepped out of the uber, to when we got to Lombardi's for lunch! Whenever the doctor tried to study any of my scars, I whimpered because I couldn't get control of my own stupid thoughts!"

    A dry chuckle escaped her chapped lips. "Tomorrow will be even worse because it'll actually be like reliving everything all over again. Just imagine it: a nineteen-year-old college student, daughter of two lawyers, screaming and flailing hysterically in a dentist chair. It'll be a great story to use against my parents at every court case they're ever involved in for the rest of their careers. What court would listen to a lawyer with an out of control adult as their offspring?"

    "You're not out of control," differed Leo.

    "But the people at the dentist won't know that."

    The breeze came back twice as strong. Elly breathed in deeply, and Leo kept silent as he studied the inch of roof between his crossed legs and hers. Her head was turned to the side. She squinted in the direction the wind was blowing. It blew her hair out of her face and drowned out the sound of her own frustration.

    As if on cue, under the desired direction of time itself, both glanced at the other. It was chilly above the rest of the city, and they froze. Yet their hearts pounded double time, pumping warmth to their cheeks. A million thoughts and feelings tried to pour out of their mouths; their expressions, even as they struggled to hide it.

    Elly tugged her gaze away from Leo's, leaving them both colder than the dead of winter. He looked behind her at the city, just as it was beginning to twinkle under the growing darkness. Even the whole city, with all its millions of citizens, didn't seem to be able to contain the awkwardness of the past five seconds.

    Elly shivered and rubbed her bare arms. "Sorry," she mumbled.

    Leo's eyes returned to her face and he halved a smile. "You don't have to apologize. I'm glad you told me what you're feeling."

    Surprised, Elly braved the eye contact and looked up. "Really?"

    Leo gulped and nodded. The space between them was less than he was used to. He could easily lean in and boop his nose against hers. "Really."

    Elly breathed a sigh of relief. Captivity had helped her realize how short life really was, and she had vowed to take nothing for granted again. She'd also made the decision to simply be honest with people, and herself. She didn't want to regret a single second. The things she regretted most were the years she spent ignoring her family, peers, and her own feelings; the opportunities she'd passed up for growth and experience.

    When she heard the words, "what's on your mind?", her heart skipped a beat. It was an opportunity to open up to someone, and she took it. It was hard since she'd spent her whole life only voicing what was necessary, and nothing more. But when she was finished, even though she didn't want to come across as an attention-seeker or a nuisance, it felt good to get a dominant thought off her chest.

    "What if you closed your eyes?"

    Elly looked up at Leo, who was watching her expectantly, waiting for an answer. "What?"

    "What if you closed your eyes tomorrow?" He repeated. "At the dentist. Would that help?"

    She hesitated, recalling the times she'd closed her eyes in an attempt to shut out the pain, and it didn't work. She wanted to tell him, but didn't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting the suggestion. "I-I . . . I don't know," she stuttered.

    "Well what about music?"

    Her brows furrowed as though she didn't understand. "Music?"

    Leo nodded. "Yeah. When you go tomorrow, put in your earbuds, play your jams, and take a nap."

    "I don't know if it's that easy."

    Leo brushed off the doubt. "Sure it is! You might feel some pressure in your mouth from time to time, but it won't be as bad without some good tunes to listen to."

    A bit skeptical, Elly shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe."

    "I really think it'll help," Leo encouraged. He held his hand out. "Here, let me see your phone. I'll find you something good."

    He did find her some good music, as she would admit the next afternoon. Though she struggled throughout the whole appointment, whimpering and flinching, she didn't push against the dentist. She came away proud of herself, and grateful to Leonardo, whose voice had been in her ears along with his playlist.