Easier To Forget

Irreplaceable - a poem for my mom, who is everything to me

♢
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I know that you love me,

I hear you when you say that you care.

But Mom, we can't keep living like this;

Going from here, to there, to there.

I know... maybe that is what she wants...

But I don't have an MO.

I don't ever want to leave you, Mom.

The truth is I love you. And I Always Will.

But I can't raise myself, and I can't pay our bills.

Sometimes I wonder why you did what you did.

Sometimes I wonder if it was true; those things you said.

How on that night you said you loved me.

And I just said "Yeah." all covered in tears.

You turned back around and with your voice sincere,

"Shania. I really do love you."

You closed my bedroom door and I swear I could hear

the sound of wounds being closed,

my heart ready to explode.

My tears never stopping,

the guilt stabbing my insides,

but the truth slipping in.

Ever,

So,

Slowly.

You, mama, are an irreplaceable space.

I don't care that we've slept in cars, or that our family is in quarrels. I can almost accept the times you lied and said you'd be there, and then left me behind.

All that you put me through.

And all that I've said to you.

Mom, you are an irreplaceable space.

A hole in my heart where you wrapped me in a blanket, snuggled me to your chest, kept me fed and let me rest.

Sang along with me during the car rides,

Laughed with me, took on the name of being my friend.

Cried when I left, and cried when I came back.

Hugged me at my worst,

And smiled at me, seeing my best.

God'll help me let go of all the rest.

The arguments, and the sleepless nights.

The hurts and the lies, all the times we've faught over who was right.

When we couldn't understand each other, no one knew how to stop and listen.

Mama, just remember tonight, and every night, that you are an irreplaceable space. I hope you win the race.