Aftermath // 5SOS Fanfic // Ashton Irwin

Everything I Didn't Say

Ashton's POV: "Calum, you didn't."

"I'm sorry, bro, but I think she has the right to know!"

"Say it's not true," Claire repeats.

"How much did he tell you," I ask in the calmest voice I can.

"Some-Someone was blackmailing you and... and you sh-shot him," she stutters.

I put my head in my hands. "Claire, I'm sorry."

"Why? What could've been so bad you had to kill someone over it?" she shouts.

"If you could only understand-" I start.

"I don't understand because you haven't told me any of this! Why would you keep this a secret from me?"

"Because I thought you'd break up with me, and I didn't want to lose you! You're the only good thing I've had in my life in a decade, and I don't want to lose you!" I burst. She looks at me, eyes wide and teary, lips slightly parted. "Listen, Claire, I have to go back to California. There's some weird stuff going on out there that involves me. I'll tell you everything just please come with us!"

She continues to stare at me.

"Please?" I say softly.

She stands and leaves the room.

"Uh, Ashton?" Luke says, leaning in the doorway.

"What, Luke?" I sigh.

"I wasn't eavesdropping! You were just talking loud, and I accidentally overheard you saying you're going to California."

"Yeah. And?"

"And I was wondering if I could come with you," he says nervously.

"Why?"

"Because I have nowhere to go and I think there might be something for me in California! A fresh start!"

"Whatever," I mumble.

"Is that a yes?"

I glare at him.

"I'm going to take it as a yes and leave the room."

I sink onto the couch as Michael comes in. "Can everyone just leave me alone?" I yell.

"No," Michael says simply. "I'm not leaving you here alone when you're upset." He sits beside me. "You okay?"

"No."

"I didn't think so. I just thought I'd ask. I'm sorry, but at least she knows now. At least it's out there in the open."

I nod and look away so he won't see me cry. I can't lose her. I love her. I need her. She's my world now.

We just sit there. Michael pretends he doesn't know I'm crying. I pretend I don't know he knows I'm crying. The pain is so bad I have to lay down on the floor. It pulls at me and weighs me down until I feel like I'm going to melt into the ground.

I wake up around 9. Claire hasn't texted. Or called. Or come by. I don't blame her.

I stumble outside later, delirious with sadness and walk until I'm staring at Claire's window. I almost trip on rocks scattered around the ground. I pick up a few and throw them at her window. Over. And over. And over. Until she finally opens the window.

"What, Ashton?"

I didn't think through what I would say if he actually opened the window. I open my mouth and realise I'm singing. "Taking every breath away with all of the mistakes I made. From all the letters that I've saved this is everything I didn't say." I continue to sing as I climb to her roof. When I finish the song, she just continues to look at me. She isn't saying anything. "I'm ready to tell you everything I didn't. Please come with me."

She sighs and bites her lip. "You killed someone, Ashton."

"I know."

"I should stay away from you."

"I know."

"But I can't."

"I know," I smile and lean in her window to kiss her.

"I hate you," she whispers.

"I know."

"But I love you more than I hate you."

"I know. I love you too."