Boy/Boy Problems

A Long Overdue Conversation

Teddy woke up feeling like he'd lost a fight with a bridge even though the alcohol had long since left his system. Luke was gone, he'd heard him leave as he lay stuck on his mattress unable to do anything to stop it. Silent tears over took at some point, time standing still and moving all too quickly. Eventually Lily climbed into his bed and held him until he passed out from exhaustion.

Holding his eyes shut Teddy imagined, for a moment, the warm body next to him was Luke. He imagined the evening before had ended differently, or maybe it had never begun. Maybe Lily had left early or Luke had been late. Maybe they wasted time talking about movies and books instead of Teddy's stupid songs. Maybe Teddy hadn't lived so much of his life in deep denial that there was too much to be exposed. He could imagine Luke was there, like he had been before and everything was okay again. For a moment.

"I know you're awake," said Lily breaking the spell.

"Can we just not?" asked Teddy not turning to face his sister and honestly not really expecting to receive any leniency.

He didn't deserve leniency. He deserved to have Lily's disappointed look levelled at him until he couldn't bare it. Teddy had fucked up and it was finally time he faced the consequences whether he wanted to or not.

"I ordered so much Maccas," said Lily shocking Teddy enough to make him turn around to face her.

"What?" he asked, confused.

Lily wasn't looking at him, but she wasn't looking away and she didn't look disappointed. She looked sad. That, was not a good sign thought Teddy.

"I didn't know what you were into nowadays so I just ordered everything," said Lily like it actually answered Teddy's question.

"I'm on a diet," said Teddy because he was beginning to figure out the game.

"You've been on a diet since your were seventeen little brother it's cheat day," she replied.

"How?" he asked at the exact moment he noticed the phone in Lily's hand belonged to him. "Did you use my phone?"

"What?" said Lily. "You're always telling me how rich you are, what's the point of being rich if you can't order an obscene amount of Maccas for delivery."

Things were definitely worse than Teddy imagined. He wasn't sure how things could be worse than a ruined his relationship with the love of his life caused by his own ridiculous inability to open up. But if Lily was actively spending his money things were definitely bad. Lily hated spending Teddy's money. She always tried to pay her own way even though Teddy was a millionaire and she was living on an academics wage. He wasn't sure how much she made exactly, she never said, but Teddy knew it was significantly less than millions.

"What happened?" said Teddy sitting up and starring his sister down.

"It's nothing," replied Lily avoiding eye contact.

"Lily," said Teddy.

"Teddy," said Lily looking at her brother finally.

"Last night you couldn't stop talking but now nothing?" A low blow but he needed to know. He'd already hit rock bottom there was nothing worth hiding from anymore anyway.

"Watch the way you throw around that higher ground little brother your legs fucking shaky," said Lily a warning in her voice.

His eyes fell. She was right. He was the one that had hidden the truth so hard that he started to believe the lie himself. He was the one that was so desperate to avoid confrontation and judgement that he'd stopped talking to Lily for months so he didn't have to lie to her face. He knew what he was doing was wrong, and he knew it was going to come back to bite him. But he did it anyway. He could have come clean, there were plenty of moments. He kept making excuses, kept telling himself he'd do it soon when the truth was he knew his happiness was limited and he wanted to hoard it for as long as he could.