Dominance and Submission (boyxboy)

Chapter 17: Can We Stay Here?

Chapter 17

I hadn't thought it possible, but Cam had gotten smaller in the three weeks since I'd last seen him. Not only was he bone thin, but his once tanned skin was almost as pale as the thin sheet he had wrapped around his legs as he lounged in his seat by the pool. Had he been sick recently? When was the last time he'd had a proper meal?

These thoughts and more swirled around in my head and added to my guilt. My gaze continued to travel over his body, which was riddled with bruises that had no place being there. I should have seen it coming. After all, the signs had been there, documented in his delicate writing on the pages of his journal. Last night, while he slept, I had flipped through it and found all the evidence of his distress; right there as plain as day, but I had been too blinded my my own selfish thoughts and too caught up in my own world to see it.

He had been terrified of the bastard and I hadn't been there to help him deal with it; instead, I had removed myself from his life. Once again, I was learning that the consequences of my actions were severe when I failed to think things through. Had I done so, I would have realized that it hadn't truly been in his best interest.

Cam had little to no self esteem. No matter how many times I had drilled it into his head, he still believed that if he was hurt by someone else, he was the one at fault. In Chicago, in his desperation to convince me to 'keep him,' he had listed all the things he would do in return; which came down to whatever the hell I wanted him to.

The way he determined if a person could be trusted was if they were nice to him, and every other sentence out of his mouth began with 'Master Drake says," which only proved that he was still brainwashed by the asshole.

All these signs before me and still, for whatever fucked up reason, I had convinced myself that cutting him loose had been in his best interest. How did that even make sense? Of course, being with him increased the risk if him growing even more attached to me. This meant that when it came time for our arrangement to end, it would hurt him, but surely that paled in comparison to what would no doubt happen if I were to cut off all ties now while he was as damaged as he was.

I imagined the next bad relationship he would find himself in just because I hadn't taken the time to teach him about the lifestyle, just because I hadn't been patient enough to help him learn his self worth. Why hadn't any of this entered my mind before?

The answer of course was clear; I had been too afraid of what it it would mean to have him fall in love with me.

Before I'd met Cam, every move I had made had been carefully calculated, so that once a decision had been made, I could never be swayed from it. Now though, I was as impulsive as a teenager, my mind changed with the wind and my once organized thoughts were constantly in a state of disarray.

It was damn time I got my head on straight.

"Will you tell me about Leo?" I asked him then, and he tore his gaze away from Happy, who was paddling around in the shallow end of the pool, and met my gaze for a moment, before his eyes once again skittered away.

"He's Monte's boyfriend. She loved him and they've been together for about four months now. That's the longest she's ever had a boyfriend." He explained, while picking at the lint on the sheet.

"Did you think he was a good person?" I asked and he nodded.

"He is a good person. He makes Monte happy."

I turned my eyes heavenward in incredulity. "Cam," I began gently, "no one who tries to hurt someone else is a good person. Leo deserves to be behind bars for what he's done. You understand that, don't you?"