Dominance and Submission (boyxboy)

Chapter 18: The Hidden Entries

Chapter 18

~Cam~

December 26

Dear Journal,

Yesterday was Christmas and I spent the whole day with Damion and it was the best Christmas I've ever had in my whole life. We were at a hotel in Chicago so it didn't have that homey feel like in the movies, but it was still perfect. Chicago is pretty cold this time of year, so we didn't go outside, but we got to stay in our suite all day and talk and watch TV, which made me happy.

Yesterday I even asked Damion to play pretend with me. It wasn't anything stupid, we pretended we were in love for the whole day. I didn't know that having somebody be in love with me would feel so good. It made me feel warm and happy all over, and I was smiling so much that the corners of my mouth are hurting even now, but it was worth it.

Damion even got me a gift; a really cool, complicated camera that I love so much. I never even thought he was going to give me a gift or anything but he did. All I gave him were some paintings, which kind of made me feel guilty, but he said he liked them. The camera is really expensive so I'm trying to be as careful as possible with it, and I'm also watching videos online so I can learn how to use it the right way. So far I'm having so much fun and now I don't have to ask Monte to borrow hers.

Yesterday and today I looked online to see if my brother posted any of the Christmas pictures of our family, but he didn't. I'm starting to wonder if he'll end up posting any. If he doesn't I think I might cry. I miss them all the time. I miss Chicago already. It was my first ever time being there and flying on the plane for the first time was pretty awesome too. The bathrooms are so tiny that you can barely even turn around properly in it. It was so cute.

I feel like it would be cool to visit Chicago again in the summer time when it's nice and warm because it was so cold that going outside wasn't fun at all, but I had the best time anyway. I also got to meet Tate; he's Paul's fiancée. Tate is British and handsome and cool, and I like his hair and the way he dresses, but he used to be Damion's sub which made me feel sort of weird, but he was nice to me. Everyone was nice to me. Damion has the best friends. Monte says positivity attracts positivity, so I guess that's why they're all so great.

I also talked to God for the first time too. I was going through a tough time and he was the only one I could think to talk to. I told him about Damion, Tate and James and I asked him to help me a little bit with my emotions. I asked him a bunch of questions too but I'm not exactly sure how I'll get the answer or if he was even listening, but I'm waiting to see.

All in all it was a fun time and I'm so glad that Damion brought me along, but my heart kind of hurts though. It hurts so bad that I feel like I can barely breathe.

It all started when after I told Damion I love him and I asked him to keep me. He wasn't very happy to hear that and maybe I even made him mad a little bit. I think maybe I made things harder for him too, but I didn't mean to. I just wanted him to know what I was feeling on the inside, but now I'm scared that I messed things up.

This morning we flew back home and he gave me the prettiest gold bracelet with my name on it, then he said he was going to be selfish, but then we stopped at Donny's house for a little while and Donny and Damion talked for a long time in private and after that Damion took me home and told me that he had to end everything.

I think maybe Donny said something and that's okay, because brothers are meant to look out for each other, but I still feel really bad about it. Monte says I might be stressed and I think maybe I am. I miss him and I don't know if he'll let me see him again. He said I still should go to see the therapist every week and I will, and I'm still going to send him some of my journal entries maybe.