Pilot Jones

Chapter 10: Bad Religion

Frank

At this point, I'm very worried about Chanel. She admitted to me that she was stripping for money. I told her I would help her get a place. But she doesn't seem too concerned about that. She walks around here as if she was a zombie. She is a zombie. She's always high or drunk. Sometimes both. 

It's been numerous times I've come home to her naked asking me to "make love" to her. But I can't simply make love to a woman who doesn't love me back. I want to help her so bad. But I don't know how. I have issues of my own I'm working out. 

While I was at the office trying to work out my issues, I saw a pamphlet of this rehab. It has a spa and tennis court and just the whole nine yards. She can get help. Maybe I should go to... But I don't think I'm as far gone as she is. I know it has to be hard to lose the only one left in your family. But she doesn't have to do this to herself. Now I'm here spending the time I could be in the studio working on a new song to convince her to go to this rehab.

CJ- No Chris. I'm not going.

Frank- Why not? It has everything to keep you busy. It's perfect.

CJ- Yeah for you! I'm not losing myself. I'm coping.

Frank- You're slowly killing yourself, Chanel!

CJ- Maybe that's what I want..

Frank- That's not what you want.

CJ- You don't know that.

Frank- Yeah I do. You said it yourself that you want to be happy, not dead.

She looked out the window and then back at me. 

CJ- Why do you even care?

Frank- Why would I not?

CJ- You have a way better life than I do. You have all this money being thrown at your feet. You have so much to do yet your sitting here trying to convince me to go to this place. Why?

Frank- Because I care.

CJ- Why?

Frank- That's what you do when you love someone. You truly care about their well being. And I can't sit around and watch you kill yourself slowly like this.

CJ- I'm not killing myself!

Frank- It doesn't look that way on the outside looking in.

CJ- I'm fine Chris.

Frank- You don't even believe that.

CJ- I'm not going.

Frank- Please go. This isn't you.

CJ- You don't know me.

Frank- I do. You just don't know you.

CJ- What's my favorite color?

Frank- Purple.

CJ- What is my favorite flavor of ice cream?

Frank- Strawberry.

CJ- What size shoe do I wear?

Frank- 8 sometimes 9 depending on the material.

CJ- How do I like my clothes?

Frank- Tight but also having enough room for you to breathe and move.

CJ- What's my favorite thing to do?

Frank- Take long hot baths with R&B music playing in the background. I know you, Chanel.

CJ- (with a slight attitude) I guess you do.

Frank- So are you going?

CJ- No so stop asking.

I was starting to get irritated. I really wanted to help her. She's so damn stubborn. So I got in front of her and got on my knees and put my hands together as if I was praying to her. 

Frank- Please go.

CJ- No.

Frank- Please. You need help.

CJ- Says the man who goes to a psychologist every other day.

I looked at her and she was giving me a "now what nigga" look. How did she know? I stayed on my knees looking at her dumbfounded.

CJ- That's right. I know. I found his business card when I was snooping around. Why do you see a shrink, Frank? You aren't perfect as you seem.

She called me Frank.

Frank- You're I'm not. I never will be. I'm just trying to be at peace with myself and those around me.

CJ- You sure? It's not deeper than that?

Frank- No it's not. Yes, I've been going more frequently than I normally do. But that's only because the person I'm trying to make peace with won't let me.

CJ- And who is that person?

Frank- You.

She looked me in the eye searching for a lie. But she wouldn't find any. She realized that and got mad and pushed passed me. She walked out with her heels clicking angrily. I sat there on my knees thinking of what just happened. 

Hours later I get a text. It was from Chanel. She told me where she was. I took it as an invitation and drove to that location. She was on a cliff nearby the restaurant I took Travis and Tyler sometime ago. I walked up to her and sat next to her and looked at the view she was looking at. It was beautiful. The sun was setting. I looked at her she was drinking from that Tequila bottle again. Tears were streaming down her face. 

CJ- (crying) My grandmother would be so disappointed in me. "Now why would you go and do something stupid like that Chanel?" she would say. Then I would give her some bullshit ass excuse of why I had to do it. She would console me telling me it would be alright as I cry on her shoulder as she rocked me. I want that so bad right now.

She began crying harder. Then calmed down after awhile. 

CJ- I'm gonna go to the rehab. I'm gonna get better. You're right, this isn't me... Do you really love me, Frank?

I looked at her as she looked at me searching for an answer. 

Frank- Yes. I do.

She sniffed and rubbed her arms as she nodded her head.

Frank- Do you love me?

It flew out of my mouth before I could catch it. I was afraid of her answer. I was too fragile for an answer. I looked her in her eyes.

CJ- No.