You Didn't Know. (Lams)

Chapter Four

John Pov
I sat in my chair and banged my head against my desk a few times.

"JOHN?! YOU ALRIGHT?" My dad called.
"YEAH!" I called back.

I sighed and slumped in my chair. I'm so fucking bored. Maybe I should call Ale- Wait.
God fucking damn it.

I spun my chair around and fell out of it when I saw- or what I think I saw- was Alex sitting on my bean bag reading. I yelped in surprise.

I crawled back and sat against the wall. I was breathing heavily. I wiped my eyes. He was still there.

"A-Alex?" I whispered, my voice hoarse.

He put his book down and smiled at me. Holy shit I'm hallucinating aren't I?

"Is that really you?" I asked.

He looked at his body and patted his chest a few times. Then he looked up at me and gave a shrug.

"Alex why'd you commit suicide?" I asked.

He smiled, but tears collected in his eyes. 'I didn't.' He motioned to me in sign language.

When I blinked he was gone. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I whispered, tears streaming down my face.

"Alex come back. Please." I looked back at my chair and Alex was there now.

He looked at me with a desperate urgency on his face.

"Alex!" I exclaimed.

I didn't know wether to be horrified or happy. I mean what would you do if you saw your dead boyfriend sitting at your desk?

"What did you mean when you said you didn't commit suicide?!" I asked frantically.

He had tears running down his face but he smiled.

'You don't know. I'm sorry. I love yo-' Then he was gone.

I curled into a ball.

"N-no." I choked.

I sobbed into my knees. I'd give anything for him to be back. My hair fell into my face but I didn't care. I don't care if I was hallucinating I want him back.
I just want to see him. I ran downstairs.

"Dad I think I'm hallucinating." I told him, shaking his shoulder.

"What do you me-"

"My dead boyfriend was talking to me dad! Or talking to me in sign language I guess..ANYWAY! Please! There's something wrong with me! Dead people, stay dead! There's not ghosts!" I sat down at the table and sobbed.

My dad hugged me and whispered, "Don't worry. Your fine. It happened to me a few times just after your mother died. It'll go away soon. Just remember it's not real."

"It felt so real. He looked so real. I chould see the marks on his neck from the ropes." I whispered.

"Ropes?"
"He hung himself."
"Oh."

My dad hugged me and I sobbed in his shoulder. I just want this to be over. I want Alex back.

I want the real Alex back.
I miss him so much.

(Holy shit I started crying a lil bit. I'm making John so vulnerable right now. SCREEEEE-)

"I wish my feelings would just go away. Just drown. I wish I was numb." I said sniffling.

"I know Jack. I know." My dad said hugging me tighter.

"I love you so much dad."
"I love you too John. You're so strong. Your mom would be so proud."