You Didn't Know. (Lams)

Chapter Seven

John Pov
The funeral is today.

People at school were saying that it would be an open casket. I really hope it isn't. I don't want, or need to see the complete real body of my dead boyfriend.

I fixed my tie and waited in the living room for my dad. Soon enough we were in the car and headed to the funeral.

We walked inside the church and took seats. We were one of the first ones there. There's not going to be many people considering he had only a cousin and no friends.
Well except me.

I watched them bring in the casket and I kept my eyes down. I don't want to see that. My dad touched my shoulder and asked if I was okay. I nodded.

Yup dad I'm totally fine and dandy while attending my boyfriends open casket funeral! Everything is just dandy.

There were speeches and all the shit I expected but I was honestly just bracing myself for when I had to go up and see him. I saw his cousin give a speech.

His cousin looked almost exactly like him but slightly taller.
Jeez I do that with everyone now. Compare their looks to Alex's.
The red hair, the blue/violet eyes and just him in general.

My dad stood up and nudged me. I stood up with him. We walked to the casket and I wanted to close my eyes but I couldn't.

I wanted to run away but I couldnt.
I wanted to suddenly be frozen but I couldn't seem to do that either.

I saw Alex and it almost didn't seem real. I mean it looked so real but it didn't feel real.
Could this actually be reality?
I sure hope not.

I saw 'Alex' standing next to me.
"Well fuck." He muttered.
Then he disappeared.

I will fucking make sure that Alex doesn't go down as 'just another suicide'.

I'm going to find who fucking did this to you Alex.
Mark
my
words.

My dad grabbed me into a side hug and squeezed my shoulder. Tears rolled down my face.

We sat back down and they closed the casket. I should be hysterical right?
I mean, my best friend since seventh grade was murdered. I should be on the floor sobbing my eyes out.

Right?

A few people took the casket outside to bury him. Everyone started to get up and leave. I saw a few teachers, students and some people that I didn't recognize.

I sniffled and walked outside. I saw Thomas and James standing, watching the casket being lowered into the ground. I stood by them.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" James asked.
"Yeah. It sucks a lot." I replied, not looking away from the casket.

"I heard that his suicide is in question. The note was forged right?" Thomas asked.

"That's the rumor but yeah, I can confirm that. I got some people to look into it. They just don't know who killed him." I said.

"Damn. Alex was a brave ass dude." Aaron said, walking over.

I scoffed. "He was anything but that. Just because he's dead doesn't mean you should lie about who he was. Who he is." I growled, glaring at Aaron.

Aaron shrugged and walked away. "That fucker." I muttered.

Thomas patted my back and left with James.
"John? Your ready to leave?" My dad called.

"Yeah." I said, turning around.

I don't feel like there's been true closure yet. Not even seeing his lifeless body in a casket gave that to me. I was sure it would but it didn't.
God what's fucking wrong with me?!

I hopped in the car and buried my head in my hands.

"You alright son?" My dad asked.

I sighed. "Sure. If it makes you feel better, than I'm just fine and dandy." I muttered.

My dad just sighed and started to drive. What if it's all wrong though?
What if he did just commit suicide?

That makes no sense though.
Someone forged the note.

But who would fucking murder a seventeen year old? For no fucking reason at all?

Once they find out who did this I'm going to fight the person that did it. I'll punch them into the next generation. That's what I'll do.
I'm going to help you Alex.
No matter what it takes.