You Didn't Know. (Lams)

Chapter Nine

John Pov
I sat in my last period class. I wasn't paying attention to the teacher and I was almost certain no one else was either.

Alex used to be the one who wrote down everything and everyone would laugh and call him a loser.
But guess what fuck cakes??
The loser fucking died!

I wanted to bang my head against the desk so bad. I looked at the clock. It was off by at least three hours. This is why I hate public school.

We can't even fucking have the right times on clocks.
What is this bullshit?

I rolled my paper up and tossed it to the front of the room.

"John? Why'd you toss your paper?" Mr.Adams asked.

"I felt like it." I replied simply.

"You can't throw your paper just because you feel like it John, it's-" He was cut off by the bell ringing.

I got up and left the class, despite the fact he was trying to still scold me. I went outside and started to walk to therapy.

Should I even call it that?
It's more like 'Talk about your dead boyfriend for a small amount of time.'
I dunno.
That's too long of a name I guess.

Maybe TAYDB.
That's what I could call it.
Talk. about. your. dead. boyfriend.

I pushed the door open and walked into the waiting room. There was never much of a 'wait', though.

"Yo! Johnny-do-miss-" Alex asked sitting down next to me.

"I can't understand you Alex. If you're gonna talk to me use signs language." I told him.

He scoffed and flipped me off.
'How's that for sign language?' He asked...in sign language.

"Can't your humor get less vulgar after you die?" I muttered.
He shrugged and disappeared.

"John?" Mr.W asked.

I stood up and followed him into a room. "I have good news." He said.

"Did they find Alex's murderer?!" I exclaimed jumping up.

"No, but they did narrow it down to a possible five suspects so they most definitely are getting there." He told me.

"YES!" I shouted, pumping my fist in the air.

I LOVE MY DEAD GAY BOYFRIEND!

I thought everything would be easy peasy lemon squeezy but then it became difficult difficult lemon difficult BACK TO EASY FUCKING PEASY!

"God fucking yes!" I sighed sitting down.

"Why are you so happ-"

"Because it'll show all those little twits that they were wrong about him. And all those liars will be fucking called out and Alex will have his justice! He's not one to go down as 'just another suicide'. That's not the Alex I knew. That's not the Alex I love." I said.

Alex appeared behind Mr.Washington. He smiled, tears running down his face.

'Thank you John. Thank you. I love you so god damn much. I can't wait to truly see you again, not behind this glass. I love you John. Thank you. Thank you.' He said in sign language.

I smiled, tears streaming down my face. "I love you too Alex." I whispered.

"John? Tell me your...favorite memory with Alex." Mr.W said.

~~
It was our summer, we were going to be Sophomores in two months. Or more importantly it was the day after I came out to my dad and the day after Alex came out to me. I walked down the sidewalk and to Alex's apartment.

I went up a few steps and knocked on the door. His cousin opened the door, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He looked me up and down.

"Ah...you're that John kid right?" He asked.

You should fucking know that. I've been over at your apartment more times then I can even count.

"Yes sir." I replied. He smirked.

"Alec! You're friend is here!" He called into the house.

Alex came to the door and smiled. We went to his room, his record player playing music quietly.

"So. This is kind of awkward isn't it?" I asked.

"Well...just a bit yeah." He agreed.

"Does your cousin know?" I asked him, sitting on his bed.

"I told him and he didn't act too surprised or homophobic. He was just like 'Well fucking duh.' I mean, was it that obvious? Was I just oblivious to it or somethin?" He asked, plopping down next to me.

I shrugged. "So...if you like me...and I like you...what happens now?" I asked.

"I...don't know." He said after a moment.

"Hey Alex?" I asked.
"Sí?"

"I've been wanting to do this for quite some time now. And by that I mean for four years now." I told him.

"What do you-"

And that's how we had our first kiss.

Together.
Kind of sad that we didn't have our first kiss till we were practically sophomores but who gives a shit?
We still fucking kissed.

~~

I walked out of the little therapy place with one thought on my mind.

You will be avenged Alex.