11th doctor imɑgines [UNDER MAJOR EDITING]

ghost of you

( recommended song: ghost of you - 5 seconds of summer )

it had been nearly a month since your eleven regenerated into twelve.

you lived your life like you had been before you met him. those days were the most dull days of your life, but when you met the doctor he made you feel meaningful, and worthy of anything. he made you feel real happiness. but now, you were back into your old routine.

and you hated every minute of it.

however, you knew you had to accept the fact that this happened and your man wouldn't come back. you had to move on with your life, and start a new segment, and you knew that eleven wouldn't want you to be sad all the time.

most nights when you closed your eyes and you fell asleep, there he was. his hand outstretched, a big cheesy grin on his face, and eyes that twinkled. you would relive each adventure or moment that the two of you shared that made you feel complete happiness.

however some nights all you would see was the last moment you shared together. the one where you had to say your final goodbyes. you could remember it so well, and you hated that. you could remember the tears that fell down both of your faces, and the heartbroken smile on his lips. the way his arms held you tightly for the last time - no one could beat his hugs. and you remembered the tardis disappearing, before you collapsed into the arms of your roommate.

he was always with you. one side of your room had fairy lights and in-between each light was a polaroid of you two, or with amy and rory. as well, you had a note-board which had little notes the doctor had written you, dates of places you had been, one of his old bow-ties and a picture of you two at amy and rory's wedding, smiling at each other, pinned to it.

there was a small smile on your face as you looked over the board, touching the odd piece of paper delicately, not wanting to break anything.

"y/n, c'mon, we're going to be late for john's party!" your roommate called, and she popped her head around your door. she sighed slightly when she saw you standing in front of the board. she moved closer to you, and placed her hand softly on your shoulder, "i know the past month has been hard, but y/n, he wouldn't want you to be sad. he would want you to come out and party and be happy"

you smiled softly, "i know"

she patted your shoulder softly, before walking to the door, "c'mon!" she giggled, and you laughed, grabbing your bag and following her out your room and out the flat.

the party was great, and everyone was having a good time, but you weren't really. your head just felt heavy and distracted with too many ongoing emotions. you went to find your roommate and tell her you were leaving, but you couldn't find her, so you sent her a text before you left the house.

it was dark outside, but the streetlamps lit the way better for you. it was coming to twelve am, and you were starting to shiver a little, regretting not bringing a jacket with you.

you looked around, noticing how familiar the street was. not because you friend lived their, but because this was where you first met him. walking back from a party which you had been ditched at, shivering because you hadn't brought a jacket with you.

you remembered him leaning against his blue box, and him noticing how cold you were so he kindly gave you his jacket. and you just remember talking to him most of the night, and crying about how lonely and unhappy you felt. that's when he asked you to come with you. that's when your life changed.

a single tear rolled down your cheek, as you stood still, remembering everything.

suddenly, in front of you, memories played out. and everything began to overwhelm you. the wind around you started to blow up, and your heart began to beat faster and faster.

you felt someone's arms around you, and you turned in them, noticing it was your best friend.

"y/n, what's wrong?!" she asked, watching as tears fell down your cheeks. you broke down in her arms, holding her tightly.

"i can't do this anymore. i cant" you repeated over and over. she held you close, stroking your hair, as your other friends stood around watching, feeling bad for you.

"it's okay. it's going to be okay" she whispered over and over. you shook your head.

"it's not. i can't do this anymore" you sobbed.

it took a while, but you finally let her take you home. the walk home was quiet, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. everytime you went to open your mouth you just wanted to yell out. once you had gotten home, she left you on your own because that's what you wanted.

you whispered goodnight to her, and you entered your room. a sigh left your lip as you looked in your mirror, noticing the ruined makeup, and you felt yourself cringe at how you cried in the middle of the street in front of all your friends.

as you went to place your bag on your desk, you stopped. there was some type of warn out journal sitting next to your work. raising your eyebrow, you picked it up and opened it. it took you a couple seconds but you soon realised that it was the doctor's journal. it was filled with the adventures you had all been on.

you sat on your bed, looking through the journal and on the last page was a letter addressed to you in his handwriting. you didn't know whether to smile or cry but you did both as you spent the rest of the early morning reading it.

"i love you" you whispered, holding the letter to your chest, a small smile surfacing to your lips.

although you knew you would never fully get over him, the letter that made you laugh more than cry would at least tell you that it's going to be okay.