Only With You

CHAPTER 48: WAIT FOR ME

Yoru's/Noh's POV

I sighed deeply while staring blankly at the closed door. Dad said that I need to rest more so he left me alone after our talk. But honestly, I don't feel like sleeping anymore... Noh had been asleep for 12 years..

12 years...I was gone for twelve long years...It was such a long time for anyone to go missing. My thoughts went to my parents; my Pa and Ma. How did they take it? It must have been hard for them. As Dad had said,  Rui's death almost killed them in misery. Thinking about my Pa and Ma, my heart flinched in pain. I don't dare to  imagine the pain they went through... 

Are they okay?Are they eating well? What can they be doing right now? Probably Pa's reading his newspaper with a steaming cup of coffee he often forgets to drink. My Ma's probably trying copying  yoga moves again, or maybe trying to teach P'Aim and P'Ann to sing or maybe found another series to watch.

I laughed holding my tears from falling.I missed them so much. I wanna hug them right now. I wanna hug my Ma. I wanna my Pa. I wanna feel and inhale their familiar scent again. I wanna hold them tight...I wanna feel their presence. I longed to hear their voices again..Oh...God....I wanna see them right now...

And Phun...My Phun....

I remember that constant sadness in his eyes. I had always wondered what kind of pain resides behind those eyes...what happened that  took away the light in it..I remember how he broke down on the beach... i saw his pain..i saw how broken he was...

Now, thinking about it. How that melancholic eyes bothered me that much when we first met..I was in fact,  the cause of his pain. I WAS HIS PAIN. It was like the moment I laid my eyes on him, unconsciously my heart remembered him.. It yearn for his smile..the kind of smile that sits in his eyes..

Funny how, I've fallen to the same person all over again..He made me fall in love with him all over again.

I never admitted openly it  but  I truly envy Noh... deep inside me I wanted for that kind of love too. The kind of love Phun had for him.. To have a person loved you that deeply...not everyone gets to have that gift.

Phun...he loved Noh even after he was gone...He loved me even after i was gone... the irony of it. I envy the love that was mine all along. Despite everyone telling him to move on...Despite me telling him to let him go.. Me..telling him that.... He hold on..even if he was left when only the memories.That must have hurt him a lot..

Is that why he look so stricken when we first met? Now all the pieces coming together.. I always wondered how come every time he looks at me..it always feels like his peeking right into my soul.

I saw how wounded he is...and I was with him all this time...How hard was it for him to see Noh's face in me? A reminder of what his pain was....

"I am not asking for a miracle. It may be impossible for that in this lifetime. Instead, I will wait...wait till the heavens shall have pity on me and bring him back", Phun's words rang through my ears. His face that night, I had forever carved in my memory. That night when he poured everything out..his suffering, the cross he carries wholeheartedly...that broken smile..his heart been beaten yet through those tear-filled eyes, there stood his love...Battered in pain but standing firmly on the ground.