The Whisper Seekers

Mother Approved

I don't remember falling asleep, but the light peeking through my bedroom window wakes me. Liam's arm is still wrapped around me and I am surprised my mom never told him to leave. We are, however, both fully clothed and above the covers so maybe she wasn't worried.

I slip out from under his arm and leave him looking peaceful in my bed. I grab a change of clothes from my closet and trudge over to the bathroom. I run the water and then let myself soak in a nice hot shower.

There's something about being in the shower that always allows me to think. I stand under the hot water pondering my life and everyone in it. I'm not entirely sure where I stand with Harper at the moment. Lily and I went through something life-changing and traumatic yesterday, but I am still with Liam. I don't know how far Harper's forgiveness actually goes. I also find the connection I have with someone that I have known for a month so amazing. How I was comfortable enough to let a boy sleep next to me. I can't describe to anyone else this pull he has on me without me sounding dramatic. It's like I found my protector and confidant. I know I am smiling like an idiot when I think of Liam but that's the beauty of the shower, no one can see me and no one can listen in.

Disappointment then fills me when I think of Liam's words about the dirt and tory "bullshit." My behavior over the past three years has been shameful and I'm glad Liam called me out. I've never participated in the bullying, but I know I have never done anything to stop it either. I've heard Harper tear down girls that don't wear designer labels and Lily has judged people based on their weight. I know I once sat in the car while Derek, Mike, and Aaron egged a kid's house who beat Derek in the science egg drop contest. I've heard Derek call kids "dirt" an endless amount of times and I've always shrugged off being called a tory. But I have never been called it enough or have been treated so differently that I have wanted to hurt someone. Ian, Elijah, and Marissa must have been pushed pretty far.

When my fingers are pruning and the bathroom is now a sauna, I turn off the water and slowly climb into new sweatpants and a t-shirt. I saunter back into my room and Liam is no longer on my bed. I find a note on my pillow, Had to leave. Didn't mean to stay over. Apologize to your mom for me. Can't wait to see you tonight. I drop the paper back onto my bed and figured Liam snuck out making sure my mother wouldn't notice him.

I trot downstairs and find both my parents sitting on the couch with my mother's feet on my father's lap. Neither of them mentions anything about my impromptu slumber party, so I don't say anything about it either. My dad lifts his arm and embraces me in a side hug when I drop next to him on the couch and I notice his iPad isn't on the table, but the newspaper is. On the front page I see Ian's school picture and to the left are school pictures of everyone involved. Mine sits between Harper and Lily's and I already know Harper is going to complain about her picture. Not because she wasn't even in the locker room, but because it's a horrible picture of her. The headline reads, "A Bullied Student Attempts To Get His Revenge." The story talks about Ian's past and his plot to gun down his bullies. Elijah and Marissa are also in custody and will remain in juvenile detention until their court hearings. It sounds like they are going to be tried as adults.

I push the paper away as my mom sets down a bowl of yogurt and strawberries in front of me. She also drops my book bag and phone next to the bowl.

"I went to the school this morning and got your belongings. Hopefully, everything is there," she says as I clutch my phone against my chest. I have 32 missed phone calls and 34 text messages. All from other cheerleaders wanting the details on what happened yesterday. I'm going to assume Harper filled them in already.

"How are you really today, El?" My mom asks once my dad is out of the room.

"I dunno. I had a lot to digest yesterday. I know I wasn't involved in what happened to Ian directly, but Liam was already showing me what I was being complicit in. I dunno,  I think I am just reevaluating things and am glad that I was already distancing myself from Derek." 

"I think it's good that everyone is going their separate ways in a few months. I know you've been close to these people for a few years now, but college may be a great fresh start," she says as she plucks a berry from my bowl. "If colleges don't pull acceptances after this." 

"Yeah, the headlines aren't helping anyone. Derek was already concerned about Stanford after his suspension." 

"Well, you have an incredibly bright athlete being pulled apart right now. I guess we'll see if his image survives this. Harper's too. Ian made it a point to let it get out that Harper was supposed to be in your place. That his loathing extended to her." 

"Maybe we should have canceled the dance? Or maybe they should skip it?" I say with a sigh. 

"So is everyone still going to the dance tonight?" 

"I don't know, I haven't talked to anyone yet," I answer and then wonder who is still going. I do know Harper will go because she'd never miss a dance and she was up for queen. I don't know if she realizes there won't be one tonight. 

"What about you? You still up for going?"

"Yes. Liam and I want to still go," I say and she smiles at me.

"Okay, well I can take you to go get your hair done if you want?" I nod and slip out of my chair, "Yeah I'll go get what I need and we can go." I dash back to my room and find my sparkly headpiece that Lily, Harper, and I are going to wear in our hair. I grab the picture of the hairstyle I want that I found while flipping through a magazine. As I am leaving my room, I hear my phone buzz and I see I have a message from Lily, telling me everyone is still planning on going tonight and asking if I am going to still be in the big group. 

I write her back that I will be at her house for pictures and will go with the group with Liam as my date. I ask her to forewarn Harper so there isn't a brawl in Lily's front yard.

I also tell Liam to meet at my house for our own pictures and then head back downstairs. My mom is waiting for me in the living room and we wave to my dad as we make our way to the hair salon.

As we are driving, my mom flicks her eyes at me and suddenly says, "I think Liam is good for you."

I glance back at her as I ask, "What? What makes you say that?"

"I just see how relaxed you are. You're yourself when he's around. Not a version that you think he'll like," she tells me truthfully. I'm genuinely surprised at her statement because I hadn't heard her think that before.

"You don't think I was myself with Derek?" I ask.

"I think you tried really hard to fit into Derek's life. You made an effort to make the things he found important, important to you," she answers. "I think Liam just likes you, I don't think he holds you to any crazy standards. You're more relaxed when he's around. I think he grounds you a bit."

"So you and dad like him?"

She shrugs again, "We do. We think he's good for you. We weren't crazy when I found him asleep next to you last night," she says with a side-eye, "but I do get the feeling that he's protective over you. We know you are both young with bright futures ahead of you, so we know not to take it too seriously but, yeah I think he will bring a nice change to your last year at HPH."

My heart warms at the thought of my parents approving of Liam. I know my mom can tell I like him a lot, but I'm also glad she's not reprimanding me for taking our "young" relationship seriously. She'll just let it play out. I then hear her thoughts before she says anything, so I am already bright red when she adds, "I can also see how close you two always seem to be...physically and I want you to come to me if you need...anything."

At her thought of "birth control," I want to burst with embarrassment. I bury my face into my hands and quickly say, "No, no mom. Liam and I aren't there yet. Trust me."

"Okay, I just know that with homecoming comes certain pressures," she says and she is equally embarrassed. She knew Derek was against sex because she awkwardly brought it up before prom last year and I had to confess that we were abstaining. 

I shake my head, "Not for us. I am not ready for that yet."

"And Liam knows this?"

I nod, "Yep. And he agrees."

"Well, I like him even more then," my mom says with a smile and she finally lets the subject of sex go.