South Park Oneshots?

Cartman x Reader

Takes place during Season 4 Episode 3

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Y/N's POV

Cartman...he always amuses me.

His actions makes me blush.
I want to snuggle up in his body fat.

But now....he's boring.

Ever since Timmy was sent to the Principal for pissing off Mr. Garrison for being retarded, everyone faked being diagnosed with A.D.D. to avoid homework.

Chef and I were the only ones that knew something was up.

I was hanging out with the boys at Cartman's house.

They were all high on Ritalin. More specifically: Methylphenidate.

"Hold still Kenny," Cartman calmly states after hitting his head with a frying pan.

"You killed Kenny..."

"Bastard...."

I roll my eyes with a scoff. 
Kenny's blood just got on my favorite (article of clothing).
"Thanks dick."

"Hey Y/N...why don't you try some Ritalin?"

"No Eric."

"Come on Y/N," Stan says. "It's good and cures problems."

Hmm....if they can't be distracted at all....

I lean in and peck Eric's cheek.

Eric still had his emotionless face. "What was that for Y/N?"

I blush a bit. "Do you know what kisses are?"

Eric thinks. "Chocolate."

Man...Eric doesn't know what it means...

"I'm leaving," I say saddened.

"Come on Y/N," Kyle says before I leave. "Let's go to the Phil Collins concert."

I stop dead in my tracks.

"What?"

"You know...Phil Collins. We should go to his concert for the LaLaPaLaLaPaZa."

...

...

"Holy shit."

~Later at Chef's house~

"Y/N? What are you doing here? I'm busy trying to educate the parents on a drug-free treatment. Come on in."

I walk in to see many parents and kids watch the VHS tape.

"What do you think?" Chef asks.

"Looks convincing," I comment.

I look at the parents. They are all...smiling.....?

"Wait a minute," Chef asks again being confused as I am.

Chef holds up a "Where is Waldo?" Book and skips a few pages.

"Ok...where is Waldo?"

"In the lower-mid section of the book behind the lemonade stand." The parents all reply in unison.

I take a look at the page....

Damn....

"Oh no...YOU ARE ALL ON RITALIN?"

"Yes chef...come to LaLaPaLaLaPaZa with us. Phil Collins is playing."

"WHAT?"

"Yes...Come with us."

"Chef," I say. "We need to get to the pharmacy.

"Agreed children."

~Huge time skip to the LaLaPaLaLaPaZa~

"This dose of Riddle-Out should do it," one of the doctors state after placing a few in lemonade glasses.

"Here Eric! I got this for you!" I shout forcing lemonade down Eric's throat.

"AHHH ITS GOT ME!"

Eric then moves around like he is seeing an hallucination. He then stumbles and trips on top of me.

I blush hard. Eric is on top of me in public!

I whisper to myself, "the effect should work now."

"Ugh....Y/N?!"

"Eric! You're back!"

Eric stays quiet for a while. His face gets red too.

"I don't mind this position we are in," Eric states with confidence. "Shall we?"

I blush harder then ever and cover my face. "ERIC! DONT TALK LIKE THAT!"

I could make out a few chuckles from the rest of the gang and a few Boo's at Phil.

(I personally only like his 'calling in the air' song)

Eric and I get up hand in hand. I snuggle up in his body fat while Eric puts a hand around my waist.

"Get a room you two," Kyle laughs.

"SHUT UP JEW! LEAST I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND NOW."

A bit to late to comprehend, but I guess Eric had the hots for me too.

"Yeah!" I shout back at Kyle. "Why don't you go back to Stan!"

Kyle got a tiny shade of red on his cheeks.

"IM NOT GAY!"

"Tell that to your boyfriend behind you."

"Kyle?"

Kyle turns around. "AHHH! STAN?"

Eric and I laugh our asses off. We spent the rest of the night enjoying Timmy and the lords of the underworld play on stage after Phil Collins got his Oscar shoved up his ass.

"I like you Y/N."

"I like you too Eric."

We kissed a sweet kiss.