Ch.15

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"Baby am I going to see you later" Brad beamed kissing my cheek. "Yes Jared is driving me" His hands rubbed my 8 month baby bump, and smiled. "You can't be late I'll miss you to much" I nodded walking over to the bathroom. "We'll be there okay" He nodded running his hand through my hair. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen" I smiled, but pulled away from his touch. "I'll love you two for the rest of my life" He wasn't lying either. I knew he'd love us. I just wish things were different. "When baby Cole gets here he'll be so proud of us" I agreed knowing he deserved the two of us together.

"You're insane, and late" I smiled, and he glanced at the clock worried. "Damn okay I love you be careful, and I'll see you at the dinner soon" I nodded kissing his lips. "Be careful Kaitlynn" I told him I would, and he rushed down the stairs. I had already showered so I started my make up. I was leaving my hair natural, and I had a pretty creme dress picked out.

After I was dressed, and completely tired. I walked downstairs to see Jared leaned agaisnt the counter with a small smile on his face. "Well don't you look beautiful" He smirked, but my face remained the same.

" Will he be there" I whispered hoping his answer wouldn't cause me to cry.     " He said he was going" I smiled smoothing my dress out. " Do I look okay" This will be the first time I've seen Taylor since we broke up.

"Stunning. He'd be stupid not to steal glances of you" I kissed Jared on the cheek. He took my hand, and carefully lead me to the car. "So we're going to be late" He laughed holding the door for me. "Jared i told him I wouldn't be late" I frowned as he got in. "I know, it's we have to go the long way the streets are backed up" I sighed nodding. I knew they'd be packed since the team was throwing a birthday bash. It's Martin's birthday, and he more than likely invited everyone.

He sang along to the radio, and we were only about 10 minutes away from the building. A car came right at us, and Jared swerved to miss it. He clipped the curb, and the car spun around twice. "That was a close one" He sighed, and then I saw headlights coming our way. I screamed as I felt the impact on my side.The side caved in, and I felt the blood dripping down my face.

As soon as we stopped I felt hands on me. "Oh my gosh miss help is on the way" My eyes fluttered looking at the beautiful boy infront of me. He looked a lot like Brad, but only around 17. I looked over at Jared, and started to panic. I tried to move, but I couldn't. "Go to the other side, and help him" I instructed the younger boy, but he did as I said. He opened the door, and started patting Jared. My side was killing me, and everything hurt.

I saw his eyes fluttered, and he looked over at me. "Kaitlynn" He freaked, and I saw the worry in his eyes. "Jared don''t cry" I instructed as I saw the tear brim his eyes. I held mine back, but the pain was to much. "Kaitlynn you're in pain" I shook my head, and gave him a small smile. "No Jared I'm still alittle shocked" He nodded, and pulled his phone out. I heard the ambulance, and he gave me a soft smile. "I'm going to call my dad okay" I looked over wanting to tell him to stop, but I knew he wouldn't. Something was wrong anyways, and I felt it.

After 30 minutes of getting me out of the car I was on the way to the hospital. "Kaitlynn it's all my fault I'm sorry" Jared spoke quickly holding my hand. "No it's not no matter what nothing is your fault" He looked hesitant, but kissed my cheek.

After all of my tests, and everything the informed me that the baby appeared fine. His heart rate was quick but he was shook up. Brad was pacing the room listening to them, and he calmed when they said we were fine. Well the baby was fine. I had a sprained wrist, and my forehead now will have another scar. They did tell me I'd be sore for weeks, and that I'd have to keep it easy.

That was expected, but Cole was okay. The night rolled on, and Brad stayed in the room with me. I had only gotten a few hours before I felt a sharp pain. I felt wet between my legs so I woke Brad up, and told him to go get me a nurse. I figured my water may have broke, but I didn't want to alarm him. He didn't question it, and when the nurse walked in I asked Brad to go get me a drink.

"I feel wet between my legs" She asked if there was pain while adjusting the bed, and when she took the blanket off I saw the blood. There wasn't a little either, but there was a ton of blood. "I'm calling the doctor don't panic I'm sure it's from the accident" I started to panic and she ran out, but just my luck Brad walked in. "What's wrong" His eyes wide looking at the blood, and I tried to hide the sharp pain. "Nothing she said it could be from the accident" He started pacing the room waiting for the doctor.

The doctor came in, and checked everything. "Your water broke" He stated, and I looked down confused. That doesn't explain the blood. He walked out, and the pain kept getting worse. When he walked back in he checked me, and gave me a soft smile. "You're going to need to push. I'm sorry there's no time for an epidural" I cried while pushing because in my heart I knew something was wrong.

I pushed, and pushed until he finally told me I did great. He told me to keep pushing to get the placenta, and that Brad stay right next to me. I knew something was wrong though. He didn't cry, and they rushed away with him.

" No" I screamed crying while the nurses tried to hush me. They were pushing on my stomach trying to get the placenta, and console me. Brad didn't understand what happened, but I didn't need someone to explain it to me.
After I was cleaned, and eveyrthing was done they walked in. They were holding my baby swaddled in a beautiful blue blanket with a tiny hat on his head. They had cleaned him up, but that didn't help my breaking heart.

"Miss Kaitlynn I'm sorry, but your baby didn't make it" The words cut through me like a knife, and I felt my heart shatter. "Would you like to see him" I nodded letting the tears fall. They placed him in my arms walking away. He was perfect. His beautiful eyes were shut, and he had a full head of hair. He looked like a normal baby, but they only difference was he wasn't actually here. "Mommy loves you" I sobbed as Brad sat next to me with tears rolling down his face. "Daddy loves you baby, and I'm so sorry" He sobbed out, and we leaned down pressing kisses to him. We weren't going to watch him grow, and he wasn't going to call me mommy.

"Would you like to call your friends in, and let them join you" The nurse asked, and Brad looked at me for an answer.

" I just want Taylor" I cried holding my lifeless baby against my body. His soul was gone, and all that was left is this shell where he should be.

"Kaitlynn I don't think-" But He was cut off by the door opening. "Sir you can't be in here" The doctor stormed in, but he fell to his knees at the bed.

"Kaitlynn no" He cried sitting there staring at the blue blanket in my hands. "He's gone" I cried. He leaned his head on the bed crying while touching the tiny hand I pulled out of the blanket.

I looked over at Brad, and he glanced up. "Do you want to hold him" He shook his head staring blankly at the floor. "Should we let everyone else back" He asked and I nodded. Taylor's hand still holding Cole's. "Let them in, but tell them before they come in" He nodded stepping out. One of my tears fell, and hit Cole right under his eye. It looked like he was crying, and I slowly wiped it away.

"K-Kaitlynn" Jared stuttered out. We looked up, and everyone was standing there. "It's not true right" Shay asked, and I started sobbing as Taylor wrapped his arms around me. His cried muffled by my shoulder. They each walked over looking at him, and saying how he looked like Brad.

Brad was staring at my arms when Taylor looked up at him. He walked over to him bringing him into a hug. Brad couldn't hold in the tears any longer.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you" Taylor cried holding onto Brad, and he apologized to Taylor. " If She would have been with you this wouldn't have happened" He cried.

Taylor walked over to me taking Cole's body from my arms. He brought him to Brad with a sad smile. "I know it's sad man, but they are going to come in here for his body soon. This is it. You won't get the chance to hold him again." Brad looked between us hesitant, but reached out taking him from his arms.

Taylor walked over to me wiping the tears from my eyes and kissing my head. " He's beautiful Kaitlynn" He wrapped his arms around me, and held me close to him.

I laid in Taylor's arms crying while we kept passing Cole around. It was the only thing we could do the happiest moment in our life was taken away, but my baby now has his wings.

No matter what happened today I will always be a mom. I'm a mom to a little angel that will watch over me from above.

• This is dedicated to all of the mother's who have lost a child. Whether it was a few days or full term or even years later that kind of loss can not be explained. I have to believe there's a special place for those angels.

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