At His Mercy

15-Aya

I have no idea whether we're going to a restaurant or someone's home. So I sit in silence, watching the sun dying in the summer sky. From the look of the streets, I don't think we are moving too far out of the suburbs. But it is apparent when we move from one district to another; there are armed guards and checkpoints. We literally stop traffic. with the top down, clearly we are causing a bit of a stir. If Adam notices he doesn't make it apparent. Of course he's used to this kind attention, from everyone. Even I can't keep my eyes off him- I conceded grimly.
I wonder if he's been with other women, kept a mistress, or had other relationships since we were together. After last night its hard to believe he could have remained celibate for 5 years. He was insatiable i admit reluctantly. The thought niggles, upsetting my equilibrium. I focus on the road struggling to wipe the thought from my mind. But the fire in those dark hungry eyes, from last night, haunts me. We were separated, i came here for divorce! It was as good as over. I remind myself. He had the right to do what he wanted. I'm not even sure why the thought bothers my, but it does.

Eventually we turn into a street with palm trees lining the sidwalk, it is getting dark and the houses are lit up, one mansion after another, each one stunning in its own way. It's a different world.

3 rooms. He lived in a flat with 3 rooms! and I loved every part of it!
my chest aches at the thought. He's standing behind me at the kitchen counter, kissing my shoulder, sweeping the hair away to expose my neck as I drop the pan into the sink. Pasta, it was the first thing we made together. It was awful. We both agreed. 'Hey, we're saving people's lives. I think we can reconcile ourselves with the fact that cooking is our Achillies heel!'
He opens the fridge, leans over it and takes out a huge bowl of strawberry trifle. I'm standing in his white shirt with bare feet in his tiny kitchen, his hands moving past me to take out two spoons from the drawer. That cheeky smirk on his face- 'lets have some fun' he says and ushers me into the bedroom.

We are sitting at the table, eating when the conversation turns to me. 'So Aya, Adam tells me you met at university. . .?' It's Amina, the investor's wife. She's a graceful woman, who's carefully coiffed hair and clothes scream elegance and sophistication. Everyone wants to know how we met, but Adam is in deep conversation with zulqurnain, the investor. So I turn to her and smile.

'Yes, I'd like to say I was dazzled by him, but unfortunately it was pure persistence on his part and a clever wit that had me'. The men have stopped talking and Zulqurnain laughs on hearing this.

'Gets what he wants does he?' he says teasing Adam.

Adam just looks wryly at everyone at the table. 'Thank god she said yes, I'm not sure my self confidence could have taken it!' Adam isn't the kind of person that you would associate with the word insecurity and so the self deprecation is endearing. ' What can I say? She had me as soon as she took one look at me and decided to ignore me!' everyone laughs including me. He is charming and I laugh unable to resist.

'Oh you like the chase do you?' says Amina, raising her eyebrows.

' Well, sometimes you see something that is just worth putting yourself out there for' clearly, Adam is also referring to the deal. I see Zulqurnain beginning to ruminate on what he has just heard.
Zulqurnain turns to me and asks 'Has he always been this stubborn?'
' In his defence, I did say no quite a lot.' We are all laughing again and it lightens the mood instantly. I see Adam from the corner of my eye shake his head in amusement. Something In my chest tightens.

We talk some more. It turns out that Amina is also a trained doctor but hasn't practised for years. We speak about specialising, my elective and recent journals she read- overall a really interesting person who seems genuinely pleased to have someone to discuss these things with. She tells me again and again how beautiful I am, which doesn't embarrass me as much as I thought it would, so I just smile and tell her she is too generous. Amina tells me about her daughter who is coming home from the states next month and says she thinks we will get on famously. Again the niggling sensation begins to creep in, this is Adam's world, not mine. How will I be able to forge all these relationships that I have no intention of keeping?

As the evening draws to a close, I realise it hasn't been as nerve wrecking as I thought it would be. Both Zulqurnain and Amina are easy company. They seem to like me and even Zulqurnain makes an effort to include me into their conversation. Zulqurnain is entertaining, a great host with his anecdotes about life in Cambridge and his travels around the world.

He is excited to discuss the places we have both visited and simply ecstatic when I say I agree the cannolies from his favourite cafe in Florence are the best I have ever tried. He turns to his wife and cries in triumph 'see, I told you!' I smile apologetically at her and nod, but we all laugh.

Amina asks me how long we've been married, when we go into the drawing room for tea and I say 5 years. She has a look of concern on her face and even before she says it, I know what is coming. 'Not ready to settle down and start a family?' she asks. It's that exact moment that Adam pops his head around the reception door and asks if I'm ready to leave. Thank God.

I dont tell Adam about Amina's comment, it leaves me feeling uncertain about the evening. What if Amina tells her husband that we're not really the stable couple that everyone seems to think we are. Or worse, what if Adam gets ideas about our future- I have no doubt he would use me to father an heir and discard me- the way he's been acting lately- anything is possible. We sit in silence through the journey home, watching the street lights flash by.