Calm Waters Dont Last

Rain

(Ha, y'all thought this was over? Boy I wish it was. My angsty heart is dying)

It was a cold and dark night as Evan walked across the sand alone, listening to the comforting sounds of waves as the lapped eagerly at the shore. Evan focused on the ground as he walked across the cool rocks and sand and he heard distant birds quietly quack. Evan looked up at the stars as he calmly took a deep breath of the salty air, he loved being here after all. Suddenly he felt something soft under his toes other than the rough sand and gazed down to see a soft cream-colored towel. He sighed and took a seat and watched the waves, everything was calm and relaxing, everything was fine. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out softly, enjoying the calming waves and the taste of the salty air Then the atmosphere shifted, and something felt... off.

Evan opened his eyes as the air around him shifted, it still smelt salty but now metallic and the waves appeared darker and more violent. As he turned to the towel he was horrified to see the used to be cream towel stained red with blood. Evan quickly got up his stomach churning at the sight and smell of it he backed away from the bloody towel in confusion and fear. A loud crash sounded behind him and he whipped around to see the waves crashing and trashing violently as if a storm had brewed out of nowhere, he backed up and in front of his eyes horror happened. The dark waves turned crimson with blood and crashed down against the shore staining the sand red. Evan backed up feeling sick as the over powering smell of blood filled the air, the wind whirled violently almost knocking Evan off his feet, all he could hear was the overbearing sound of crashing waves.

Evan suddenly was knocked over by the powerful winds and was thrown into the sea of blood, he instantly lost his way as he was thrashed around. And then everything stilled and became calm, Evan looked around in disgust and trued to swim up but he couldn't, he gazed down into the dark red only to find his legs chained to something. He thrashed around and yanked on his legs, as he thrashed his lungs started to burn. He frantically pulled and tugged on the chains doing nothing to it, the burning in his lungs came overbearing and he gasped for air, knowing it would only fill his lungs with blood. But the burning stopped and he could breathe, so he was chained to the ocean of blood and he could breathe, what the hell? Was he dead? Suddenly the blood twisted and splashed and he could see something in the distance approach him. So, Evan wasn't alone, Evan watched in curiosity as it approached him.

As the dark figure got closer Evan's heart dropped and he trashed once again the water/blood, even though he could breathe in this messed up place he felt the air leave his lungs as his heart sped up in fear. He knew he couldn't get away but he didn't want to surrender, he struggled as it approached and he wanted to scream but his voice gave out. The figure stopped dead in front of him and Evan could no longer move his body and he was forced to stare in fear at his dead boyfriend, and it wasn't just that. He had no eyes, just dark endless sockets that gazed at him, he was deathly pale and was basically a twig, he no longer resembled the boy he grew to love but it was him or some messed up version. He just stared at him and Evan was forced to stare back and he wanted scream, he wanted to throw up. Then the imagine of his boyfriend broke into a sickening wicked wide grin, it looked unnatural like the rest of him and Evan wanted to look away. "Evan, aren't you happy to see me?" Its voice came out distorted and broken and it lurched forward and tightly grabbed onto him. "I thought you and Connor missed me..." Evan couldn't do a thing other than gaze at it, tears streaming down his face as he found his voice. "you're not Jared... god no, leave me alone..." It's grin wider and suddenly he was thrown onto the shore only when he stood he was in a hospital room. He looked around confusedly and sighed in relief, he noticed a figure asleep in the bed and slowly walked up to it, only to find Jared staring up at him, blood oozing from his mouth, a wicked unnatural grin stitched into his face. The bed was bloody and pooled out on the floor at Evan's feet and stained the white floors and Jared screamed, a long, loud blood curling scream that echoed in his mind as it rang through the room.

Evan woke up to being shaken by Connor, hot tears wee freshly streaming down his face and he shook violently as he remembered every detail of his nightmare vividly. Connor quickly wrapped him up into his arms into a bear hug as he rubbed his back. He blinked a few tears away as he tried to figure out where he was and sobbed once he realized he has another nightmare. It's been eight months since Jared's death and Evan had vivid horrible nightmares. They had to take him to mourning therapy and help him through his grief, they had ways to help him during panic attacks and hallucinations and nightmares. It was hard moving on from a loss and sometimes Evan couldn't deal with it. He leaned into Connor's arms and cried as he tried to shake the terrifying morbid dream he dreamed of before.

>>>>>

The next day Evan felt a lot better, a bit shaken up but he was better. He had taken his anxiety medicine and calmed down while watching tv with Connor. They were watching polar bear documentary's and Evan couldn't seem to focus on the tv and was pulled back into his mind. Documentary's made Evan happy but he couldn't shake his dream, he's had worse but he misses Jared deeply and it hurts so much not being able to wake up with him and Connor. The dreams of Jared just being alive and well hurt even worse than the nightmares because it just reminds him he doesn't have him anymore, he and Connor had fell into a deep depression the first month after losing Jared and struggled to get out of it for a long while. They managed to get through it together but it was really hard learning how to go about with day to day tasks without having a panic attacks, they were a lot more common once Jared passed away. Evan felt sadness swell inside and he just sat there staring at the tv and felt way to depressed to watch tv and stood up.

Connor who was really focused on the documentary thanks to Evan hooking him, didn't notice Evan's disgruntled appearance until he realized he stood up and was walking towards the door. He paused the movie and turned to him, rubbing his elbows and tilted his head at him. "Where you going Ev? This one your favorite." He questioned as Evan grabbed his keys. "I'm going on walk or shopping or something, my mind space is fucked and I just need to clear my head." He answered weakly and opened the door, Connor nodded and turned back to the tv. Evan closed and locked the door and walked towards their car and hopped in and started it up, he started driving and sighed. He focused on the road and gripped his steering wheel and tried to calm down, he didn't even realize his breathing picked up slightly. It was raining softly in the middle of June; he and Connor had gotten new jobs after fighting through their depressions and tried to get back on track with their lives. Sometimes Evan felt too down to go to work and once he got enough money he got new meds to help on bad days, and once he got them it helped out and he felt comfortable in his workspace again. He couldn't go back to college and continue you with his classes anymore and stay in his dorm, he and Connor got their own apartment and tried to fix themselves. But its hard to get through a loss, and suddenly there's a void you can't fill or replace you can only move on.

Connor got two jobs and tried going back to college but he couldn't just return to their old college so he signed up for a small community college and took online colleges so he could stay at home with Evan when he wasn't working, which Evan really enjoyed. Being around others really helped Evan when he's having a panic attack or just feeling down, he was thankful for it and he often felt clingy when he was sad which Connor told him was not true. Evan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he sat at a light, the rain trickling down hard on the windows, must've started raining. The light turned green and Evan drove off drumming in a repeated pattern, counting each strum quietly, as he approached the next light down he saw a swerving car approach dangerously fast. He harshly hit his breaks, but it was no match, the rain had caused the roads to be slippery so instead of braking he spun out of control and felt a strong impact on the car. Evan was flung forward and hit his head on the dashboard and suddenly there was nothing, Evan felt nothing,  the police arrived hours later to find a horribly accident.