Never Going To Be Right {taekook/vkook au}

chapter 23

Taehyung's POV
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As we walked down the hallway towards the living area, I started to hear the quieted voices of the others. I could definitely pick out Jin's concerned voice over the others and Jimin's comforting one, most likely talking to Yoongi. I turned to look towards Jungkook to see how he was holding up. His face lacked any real emotions looking no different than he usually did. He was so carefully composed that I almost didn't notice the tremor in his hands or the ways his eyes darted around and he blinked too much.

I tore my gaze away from the boy, returning it to the path in front of us. We slowly approached the living room. Three backs were facing us probably belonging to Jin, Namjoon, and Hoseok since Jimin and Yoongi were opposite them. Jimin and Yoongi seemed to be in their own conversation using hushed voices, yet once Jimin looked up to see us, causing Yoongi to look up as well because of the lack of conversation coming from the younger, their conversation promptly stopped.

The other three seemed to notice the lack of talking around them and looked up to see us entering the room. The sudden quiet became suffocating and awkward as Jungkook and I took a seat next to each other on the empty sofa between the two unintentional groups. I felt his knee graze my own when he went to sit down bringing back memories from earlier that I pushed out of my mind quickly.

I waited for someone to speak up. Literally anyone could speak, knowing it wasn't going to be Jungkook though, just hoping someone would speak soon. 'Wow this wasn't awkward at all' I thought, staring at the ground and wishing I was anywhere but here right now. I wanted to be here for Jungkook but honestly this tension and awkwardness had me wanting to shrink into myself so I didn't have to be here right now.

"Okay well if no one is going to talk I will,", Jin said, surprising me at first, "so do you want to tell us what's up or did you just get us here to sit here and tell us we can't know again?". Jin's words were harsh and I saw Jungkook flinch at them, but he did have a reason to be upset. I know I would be too, hell I was upset when I didn't know what was going on so I can't really blame him.

I looked over to the younger sitting next to me. His mouth was slightly parted and worry was etched onto his pretty face. He looked like he was trying and failing at trying to find something to say, then startling me when he finally found his voice.

"I'm-I-I'll tell you why Taehyung and Jimin weren't telling you anything and what's happening bu-but,", he stopped and took a breath before continuing what he was saying, looking up and meeting everyone's eyes as he did,"I don't want your pity. I just want to move on from this okay?". I watched as everyone besides me and Jimin nodded their heads while looking thoroughly confused as to why he was saying what he was.

His words also brought me back to the conversation we had had in the room after Jimin had left to gather the others, the conversation seeping back into my mind against my will.

'You don't have to do this', I had said when I saw him struggling to get himself composed. 'I have to, I-I just don't want pity, I want to get this over with and everything to return to normal.', he had said not once picking his eyes up to meet my own. 'Once you tell them, nothing is going to be quite normal ever again, it wasn't even normal to being with.'

I remembered how he had hugged me before we left the room. No more tears or sad expressions just painfully concealed emotions and carefully composed expressions. When I looked at him now, I could see how his composure had started to slip, his hands shaking even worse, his eyes shining over and his skin too pale. Without thinking about it I set my hand on his thigh. I felt him tense up before relaxing soon after. At this point I didn't care what the others were thinking or how bad they wanted to know I was more concerned with Jungkook being okay.

It was a few moments before Jungkook looked ready to continue. I kept my hand on him as he looked up and scanned the faces of everyone in the room, looking between me and Jimin last with a scared expression. He shouldn't have to do this, he shouldn't have had to go through everything alone.

I thought back to every time I should've known that something was wrong. Every time that I should of seen the signs of what was he was doing to himself. All the times I should have noticed him not eating properly since he sat right next to me at the table almost every meal time. All the times I should have noticed him wincing when I or someone else grabbed him and he winced. I should have noticed all the signs. For as much time as I spent staring at him, I should have picked up on the signs he gave.

The feeling of guilt and anger took over my thoughts and mind for the moment. I could have helped him but instead he went through this all alone without any of the six of us noticing until now.

I was so deep into my own thoughts that I almost didn't catch it when Jungkook nodded and sat up straight. I hadn't heard what he had said before but I assumed it was something about being ready for them to know then. I found myself again looking up to his face and analyzing every detail. The eyes I had undoubtedly fallen for were clouded with tears he was refusing to let fall. His cheeks were paler than his normal color, just like I had seen in his hands earlier. His russet red colored lips still sitting slightly parted. God how could someone so beautiful be so broken.

I watched as Jungkook sighed heavily before reaching down to his left arm and pulling up his sleeve. His actions seemed to speed up in my head, my mind being too stunned to really take in details of what was happening as it all happened.

I saw him pull up his sleeve. I saw the others, out of the corner of my eye, take worried looks at his bandaged wrist. I felt my eyes grow, not having seen his wrist yet, only his stomach. I saw him slowly unwrapping the bandages, grimacing in pain all the while. I saw tears escape his red eyes that were darting around.

I felt my heart drop to my stomach when he tried to talk after completely unwrapping his wrist, showing his scars and angry red lines that littered his skin. I saw the tears now streaming down his face and his lips trembling, still trying out force words through them. I felt like I couldn't move, stuck to my spot with super glue.

"Jimin saw them wh-when I hurt my knee and taehyung made me- made me tell him an-and they-", before Jungkook could finish his scrambled words, Jin was flinging himself out of his chair. Jin looked dazed as he dropped down in front of Jungkook and brought him into his embrace, making my hand, that I had forgot was on Jungkook's thigh, fall back to the couch.

I could hear Jin's constant stream of shushes, sorrys and reassurances that everything was going to be okay. Jungkook had started crying harder which made me turn my head away feeling like I shouldn't be staring at him in this state.

Looking around I could see all the others worried, cautious and concerned expressions. I also saw Yoongi holding his arm out to Jimin to stop him from getting up while whispering something in his ear.

I directed my gaze down to the floor, not knowing what to do at the moment. I couldn't help but think back to that conversation not too long ago again. 'Once you tell them, nothing is going to be quite normal ever again, it wasn't even normal to being with.'. Shit, how I hoped my words were going to be proven wrong.

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A/n
OMG this chapter was so hard to write for some reason lol
Sorry it took so long to get updated, the second part will be up tomorrow or Friday once I get it edited :)
Anyway please vote, share, and comment if you liked it!

(Edit: this story has been discontinued, sorry :(  )