This Thing Called Love

12

Rashad and Chanel

****TWO WEEKS LATER****

It's been two weeks since the outburst Rashad had on Chanel. They haven't really talked about it ever since then. The two were now sitting down on the bed talking about how hard they both had it.

"You don't talk about your mother a lot, why is that." Chanel said with her legs crossed.

"I ain't got no mama."

"What you mean everyone has a mom."

"You can't have something that was never there."

"You wanna talk 'bout her?"

"Ain't shit to really talk 'bout, the bitch left me home by myself in a neighborhood that had shoot outs all da time. Have random niggas at the house one time I had to hear and see her get raped and I couldn't do shit 'cus I was too little. I seen her pimp my sister out just for some cash. On top of that he ended up killing her in front of me and da stupid bitch ain't even try to tell him stop. All she did was tell me clean it up. So, my bad I 'ont talk about my 'momma' a lot."

Chanel felt sad at everything he was saying but, felt even sadder at the fact he experienced all of this at such a young age. She knew if she didn't change the subject fast then she would've been crying and she didn't want that.

"You wrote any more lyrics."

"Ya always askin' fo' my lyrics ya ain't let me hear not one of yours."

This was indeed true, Chanel didn't really like to share her personal feelings especially something like her notes of lyrics.

"What you want to hear?"

"Somethin' deep." He said looking deep in her eyes.

"Um okay." She said slowly before thinking of her realest lyrics she ever wrote.

"Please baby, forgive me, mommy was young, mommy was too busy tryna have fun
Now, I don't pat myself on the back for sending you back 'cause God knows I was better than that
To conceive you, then leave you, the concept alone seems evil, I'm trapped in my conscience
I adhered to the nonsense, listened to people who told me I wasn't ready for you
But how the fuck would they know what I was ready to do? And of course it wasn't your fault
It's like I feel you in the air, I hear you saying "Mommy don't cry, can't you see I'm right here?"
I gotta let you know what you mean to me, when I'm sleeping, I see you in my dreams with me
Wish I could touch your little face, or just hold your little hand, if it's part of God's plan maybe we can meet again."

Chanel was referring to when she was sixteen and she got pregnant with her ex. He convinced her to kill the baby and said once she did he would love her forever. Sadly once she did he turned on her and went with someone else. This was something that hurt her deeply due to the fact that she killed her child. Everyone that know or knew Chanel knows she's always loved kids. This incident made her want to kill herself but she just couldn't thinking how she would hurt everyone that cared for her which was her foster parents and Tammy. She's never told anyone about how she aborted her baby. Her ex was the only one to know, now Rashad.

Rashad was shocked at what she was saying. He can tell how personal this was due to how she sounded saying it. She said it in a very painful and hurting way.