Desires of the Mind

Chapter 20

[ XX ] Chapter 20

        "What. . ." I murmured, shock running through my system. Caius is married? Did he intentionally play with me. . .? No! My subconscious screeched in denial. He loves us! "No. . ." I whispered. "I'm sorry, I have to go." Without getting the 'OK' from the queen, I leapt up from my seat and ran as fast as I could out of the room. I ignored Santiago's glare when I brushed past him; I was focused on trying to find my way back to distance myself from Athenodora and I.

        After a few turns and stairs, I found my room. Throwing the door open and slamming it shut, I locked it, not wanting anyone to come in. I restrained my scream of frustration and instead, I flung myself on the bed, hugging a pillow to my bosom. I couldn't do anything. I've never felt this foreign feeling before; never loved another in my entire life. Heck, I was still a friggin virgin.

        Slowly, I unchained my iron doors and for once, I enjoyed the flow of information flooding my mind. As always, the feeling was foreign to me. It felt like my brain was shifting and expanding until it hit my skull and started hurting. It felt as if a hammer was pounding on my skull. Wincing, I looked for Athenodora's files and looked into it. 

Athenodora

Volturi Queen

No special abilities

Wife to Caius

        I hadn't realized I was sobbing until I felt my eyes stinging with the venom tears. Viciously, I wiped the tears away and forced myself to concentrate on Caius' file this time. Shifting through the time of his past, I finally found what I was looking for. It took place right after he watched me storm out of the meeting. Caius was told by Aro to get close to Genevieve so he could try and gain information from her gift. So that was it? He never cared for me?

        Of course not, Genevieve. To him, he's a king and you're a lowly peasant. The thought was like a slap to the face. I curled up in a fetal position and closed my eyes, not wanting to face reality right now. I reminisced our hunt, the exhilaration I felt—but of course—that he didn't feel. I buried my face into the pillow.

        He never cared.

        Another sob tore through my throat and I just wanted nothing more than to die. Oh Vienna. . . My subconscious sighed in resignation as she just sat in her plush chair with a small frown. We were mated to Caius. Did you know that? I shoved her away with a glare. Obviously, you don't get the part that he has a fucking wife! 

        But— Shut up. Just— Leave me alone. 

        Sulpicia must've known. She had to be part of the plan her husband set. Everything I've told her was also relayed to the psychopath. Something just cracked inside me and I wished that I had never met Caius. Never met the Cullens. Never became a vampire. I wish my creator had just left me there with my mother's corpse.

        Right now, I was just waiting until the end of the world came along. Since my clothes were slightly dirty, I decided to change out of my sparring clothes into something else. So after a bit of rummaging and decorating myself, I finally got my desired look.

        After I changed, I sunk back onto the bed to sulk. I took the previous pillow and hugged it closer to me again, wishing that it were Caius. "I envy that inanimate object you are holding at this moment." My rational thoughts coiled up like a cobra, ready to strike out of anger while my heart soared to the heavens at his voice.