Letters of Peace

Dear Henry

December 16, 1973 

Dear Henry,

My doctor thinks we are expecting multiples. Last week at my check up, he heard two heart beat through the stethescope, but he said one heart beat could have been mine. Then again, he's not certain. I know we are having twins, my love. I am bigger than both Mama and and Kit were at four months along.

I miss you, Henry, and it's getting harder and harder without you. The morning sickness is gone, and I go to birthing classes now, but it's not the same. The women that go there are with their husbands that have already served their time in Vietnam and I am there with Papa or Mama or Ansie. I am jealous of those women with their husbands because I do not have you. I can't have you until this damned war is over.

I love you, Henry.

Helene Bauer 

I ran my hands over my stomach as I re-read my letter. I missed my boyfriend. I missed sharing this wonderful experience with him, I missed his arms, his voice, his lips. I missed everything about him. I was over-stressed because I kept having horrible thoughts of him being hurt or even being dead overseas. I hated not having him here. I just wanted him to be home.

"Helene," Mama said as she entered my room. "Are you hungry, Schatz? Papa is making Braughtworst, your favorite." I shook my head and laid back on my bed. I haven't had an appetite in the past few days. Maybe it's just my hormones or the holidays, but it's just not the same this year without Augustus and Henry and Harvey. Especially Harvey. This would be our first Haunaka and Christmas without him and I don't know how I will handle it.

"Liebling, Lene, please eat something. The babies need something or you will lose them." Mama cooed as she sat next to my head. Her slender fingers stroked my hair as a few tears escaped my eyes. "Please talk to me, my baby."

"I miss them, the three of them." I whispered, rolling onto my side to face my Mama. "Sometimes, I think I miss Auggie the most, and then it's Henry or Harvey and I get so sad... Mama, have you ever felt this sad before?"

Mama stayed silent for a few moments before laying beside me. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her front. "In my life time, Helene, I have been happy, I have been sad, I have felt so hopeless that the thought of suicide seemed appealing, I've even been depressed. But the sadness that you are asking me about is one that will never go away unless you see their face again. You will see Harvey again because you do believe in some kind of afterlife, Henry will come back to you and Augustus is a strong man, baby. Two of our three boys will come home to us, we just have to wait to see the third, baby girl."

I buried my face in her neck and took a deep breath. She smelled of cinnomin and soap, such a reassuring smell. "I love you, Mama." I whispered into her neck. She smiled and kissed my forehead gently.

"I love you too, my baby." She said back.

I bit my lip as she rubbed my back like when I was a small child. "Will I be a good mother, Mama?" I asked. She kissed my forehead again and looked me in the eyes. "Only time will tell." She whispered.

*

*

*

*

*

Hello lovelies!

Sorry it's so short, I just wanted to get an update out there. I will start to update more things when I get the time. I needed to get my NHS volunteer hours in. I still have to write an essay, get one more recomendation, do my History home work and read my reading billboard book to do the billboard. I am so busy.

Lots of Love,

DoctorWho