envy | tommy shelby imagines

[2] false words fallen from full lips

"Tell then I was the warmest place you knew,
And you turned me cold."
- rupi kaur

YOUR POV

THE day started off like the rest, Tommy had left hours before the sun rose, and left the left side of the bed crumpled and cold with absence.
I sighed, not knowing if my standing in his life was worth anything; as if I was a redundancy; like the bookshelf in the middle of the far wall, still only carrying 4 books, all unread and blanketed with dust. I feel as though maybe I belong on that bookcase, just to wait in hope that he'd pick me up and read me, and learn about me in a way he never took the time to do.

I stare at the ceiling, knowing that the walls of this confused room couldn't hurt me, but what they held inside is killing me. My head turns to the left to see the bedside table, on top of it are two used matches, half empty pack of cigarettes, and a crushed note, for which I frown and move to grab.

My eyes focusing on the pure white paper, with black ink plaguing it;

"Y/N,
I apologise for leaving so early this morning, business had to be taken care of,
I know you understand, I'll be home late tonight,
Don't wait up for me,

T x"

In that letter all I read was "I'm never coming back to you, just the place we share"

My eyes crushed themselves shut, as I made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of tea; hoping the English brew will soothe the ache in my heart.

For the whole day, all I imagined was the scenario that would unfold between me and Thomas Shelby, the screaming I could almost hear vividly, the smashing of bottles, I could feel the glass shards pierce my freckled skin.
Most importantly, I've memorised the way his eyes would stare at my face, as if in slow motion he yells, and yells. His oceans of pure blue betrayed by my truthful words, and he hates when I'm right, Lord does he hate it, almost as much as he's come to hate me.

The only reason Thomas Shelby has come to hate me is because he feels the entire opposite, I know he likes having me there, but I'm more routine than I am like a single rose in a field of weeds.

As I look up, the clock reads 10:45pm,
I'd sat at the dining table for so many hours, with a now cold cup of tea perched in front of me, the tea with a film of milk, splotching over the beige liquid underneath. My eyes cast downward, towards the front door I could hear being fumbled with from outside the brickwork house.
As the doorknob turns, he stands there, and it would bring a smile to my face seeing the man who's Face I'd become to admire, with his wrinkles perfectly proportioned with his daring smile, and hair that falls atop his forehead,
Oh god, he's a world class picture, but he's also a tyrant, who led an army inside of me, to actively destroy me; and for that, I cannot smile at the man, only stare as he meets my gaze.

"Not tonight Y/N, have enough shit to deal with without you adding on top of it" he mutters, hand going across his eyes as he takes the hat from his hands to the kitchen top, walking forward to find the whisky.

"You're full of love really Thomas, I don't blame you for how you made me feel, I only blame you for not trying to fix it" I monotonously uttered to his back, as he face away from me,
"I tire of waiting for you, when you spend every minute of the day trying to be away from me, I don't know who I'm in love with anymore, I don't know if the person in front of me is THE Thomas Shelby who once only had £1 to his name, and spent it buying sandwiches and a single rose to court me with, or, or the same Thomas Shelby who held my hand when the world fell apart, I squeezed it until I believed it was all put back together, all together only with a touch of the hand, are you the same Thomas Shelby who done all those things?" All the way through, my voice breaking like the tears breaking through the caverns of my eyes, and small giggles of reminiscence. A smile slightly on my face, remembering the innocence of Thomas Shelby, and the tears viciously tearing up my face as I see none of it left.

His arms are now supporting him on the kitchen side, as he turns, and faces me; his face the most unreadable I've ever seen it.

"You know I love yo-"
"Don't feed me false words, Tommy, you love danger, the excitement, you love the ambition, the adrenaline pumping through your veins as you move further up the success roll; you love sex, lustful relationships with prostitutes; you love being free, but you don't love me anymore" my voice soft, disappointed but not surprised; I'd had time to break away from Tommy, whilst he thought I would continue waiting for a man for whom I knew I lost a long while ago.

"Sweetheart, I do, it's just so complicated right now, hey I do love you; I will prove it to you when I can, I'm trying my fucking best here okay?" He softly spoke, as his right hand rose, to cup my cheek, a gesture I would usually savour, and show acknowledgement to; but this time was different, I merely continued to stare into his eyes;

"I love you Thomas Shelby, but I am not to be expected to wait for you; when you finally have time to love me, I'll have time to receive it, until then, I've had it trying to find a soul and heart in the person you've become, and I'm tired of believing you'll come back and it'll all be okay, because for the past 5 months, I've been lying to myself to save you; but now, I think it's time I catch myself from drowning in your piteous lies, and walk away until you find the courage to walk beside me,
You chose to fight gangsters, and build an empire; when you lost the motivation to fight for me;
I love you, and I'll be here when your heart comes back"

I say, leaving a fleeting kiss upon his cheek, as I walk from the house we once shared, and walked down the long strip of our driveway; ready for him to change, but expecting him not to.

[ weeeeeeeeeelllllllll, that's number 2!!!
Hope you guys enjoy it! I'll be writing more soon ( if I'm not working too much)
Lemme know what you thought and what I could do to facilitate you guys' needs!!!!!
Vote, comment, request,
I'd appreciate it all🖤 ]