envy | tommy shelby imagines

[6] built beauty & strong substance

"On the first day of love,
you wrapped me in the word 'special'."
- the sun and her flowers // rupi kaur

YOUR POV

SWEAT dripped from my body, and shivers took its place. It's just a cold.
In bed is where I reside now the world spins like a ballet dancer, and the world feels light as it feels as if it falls through my emancipated fingers.
It's quarter past noon, which means Tommy will be home in 30 minutes, I have 30 minutes to muster strength I haven't felt in days.
But then again, my Tommy is all the strength I need, he unlocks more of me than I've ever seen myself, a part of me that is put in the reserves until I need it.

With a clench of my eyelids to bid them closed, I swivel my body round so my feet are dangling over the side of the large bed we share, my arms either side of me, harshly pressing into the mattress as I fear I may fall through it.
One breath in, One breath out.

With a heave, I'm standing upright, welcoming the spindling world back to me, as a small smile is constantly engraved into my skin.
Small steps are better than none.

It takes 15 minutes to get to the kitchen, which is only 2 doors down from my room.
It's just a cold.

As I look at the time and see how little I have left, I shake my head, seeing droplets of sweat crash into the floor, I heavily sigh and wetly sniff, stationing myself upright like all the soldiers did after I cared for them all those years ago.
"Oh Miss, I could've prepared lunch and tea for you & Mr Shelby, I'm awful sorry I didn't come sooner" she shrieks in utter fear, as if the offence was sackable.

"Nonsense Mary, I'm quite capable of putting a teabag into a pot, I'm not that bloody old yet" I finish with a scoff that turns into a hearing cough from within me, my arm moving so my hand can cup my mouth, keeping my eyes closed in an attempt to keep the shame from shining through.
"Miss, I can finish up whilst you let yourself rest, how does that sound?" Her sweet suggestion falls on deaf ears as the door slams shut, signalling the arrival of my love & my heart. The smile only grew, grew like a dandelion in a field of wintering roses.
"Do not mention anything to Tommy about this, I'll tell him soon but he doesn't know before I say. Understand?" I demanded, knowing when Tommy comes in, he'll coop himself up in his office for hours, so I'll be safe until then.
She reluctantly nods, and saunters to the whistling pot on the stove, preparing the tea; almost as if that is her condition to her silence.
I smile a forcible one, and stumble off to the dining room, making me feel as though I blend in with the white walls quite nicely.
I plant myself on the sofa end, and put my head in my hand as my elbow rests on the arm of it, heavy and wheezy breaths leaving my chapped lips.
"Where's my sweetheart? Can you come to my office darlin; I've got good news" as soon as the words left his mouth I rushed up to meet them, making my way to him, I didn't get far as the spindle of the world shook violently at my feet, and as the spindle dropped, so did I into a pit of utter blackness.

— Four hours later —

The world came back with a whoosh of air, as if like my soul cane crashing back down into my chest, and I felt a hand in mine and a warm chest where my head was placed against, with knobbly knees under my neck.
"You're alright darlin, it's all alright" His soft whimpers met my ears with such pain, as his sobs soon replaced them, my eyes cracked open to meet his closed lids, and I smile once more, because Thomas Shelby was a man that would box a poxy cold & force it extinct with just a bat of his lids.
When his eyes meet my slits, he smiles;
"Why are you such a fucking stubborn arse eh? Why didn't you go see a doctor or anything?" He spoke quiet like a child, wanting me to tell him that everything was okay, but we both knew he wouldn't believe it.
"It's just a cold, nothing big, I'm alright, see!" My raspy words did nothing to soothe his worrying heart, as the tears fell like rain in a never ending storm.

"It's pneumonia Y/N, you have pneumonia"

The only world I hated facing, was a world destined to tear me away from My Tommy, countless bullets he & I have taken, threats that didn't fade our love, but this?
This might be the thing to wipe it all away, as if it were mud to a windshield.

"Well Mr Shelby, I think I deserve to hear that good news now, don't you?" The innocence and strength seeping through every word like water to cotton.
And when he released that laugh that was cooped up in the cage inside his chest, I knew that we were not mud, we were imperishable gold.