Stitched up Heart

So Innocent

I glanced at him from across the table. So happy, lively - where did he get that kind of energy? Lewis was currently writing out notes from one of the textbooks. He had been non stop talking about himself for the past half hour, as well as working. Multitasking. The boys seemed nervous, he stuttered a lot and couldn't meet eyes with me. I don't know what was getting to him.

At that moment, I was split in half. Part of me wanted to stay by myself, let this be a one off lesson where I was forced to talk to someone. The other part wanted to get to know he kid, he seemed nice, might be good to have someone around for a change. He had been talking about himself a lot, whenever he asked questions about me I would answer as simply and vaguely as I could. If it was about the work I would try to be more detail.

Lewis was very smart, top of the class, A* student kind of smart. It made me look pretty stupid in comparison. I got by... just. On most tests I would get a C or a B. There was an occasional A, but not as many as he got. It might be good to have someone who actually knew what was going on. My mind was a bit of a mess, I didn't need know whether to speak or remain silent; I didn't know whether I should try and get to know him or just leave it. Eventually my head decided that I had been alone long enough.

"so... umm... you got any hobbies?" It was the first thing I had asked him. At first, he was a little surprised that I had spoken, but he snapped out of it.

"Oh, yeah I d-do. I'm learning guitar, I play video games a-a lot -"

"You do?"

"Y-yeah, I love them, I've been playing since I was little."

"Sweet. Me too." Finally, we had some common ground, something we could discuss together. We chatted for a bit about new releases and cheats for completing games. It was pretty fun if I'm honest. Since I moved to the school, a little under a year ago, I hadn't really made any friends. Sure, I spoke to people now and then, but there never really anyone that I properly got on with. Maybe it would be different with Lewis. Maybe I could actually have someone to confide in...

Who was I kidding? I'd never be able to tell him anything about me, not in any depth. He could never know what I had been through, what I had to put up with. The poor boy, he seemed so innocent. Almost like a child. I had spent the past 17 years of my life going through hell.

I hated keeping it bottled up inside, but I had no reason to burden other people with my problems. Home was like hell. My dad was alcoholic, he'd drink himself silly at the pub, before turning up in the early hours of the morning. Most of the time he'd be yelling abuse at my mum, I tried to protect her; most of the time I got hurt the worst. Black eyes and bruises. Mum was a druggy, she would spend most of her day meeting up with dealers and get high every night. When she wasn't being hooked up with something she be working to pay for the drugs. I had a sister, I was the one who looked after her. I worked most days after school so I could feed her and buy her uniform (as well as look after myself). Somehow, we got by each day.

I don't think I could ever tell Lewis that, though. No one else knew, I didn't trust them with my secrets. Well, I didn't trust Lewis either, but like I said before, it might be good to have someone around.

I had heard the things people said about me, the things that they called me. Also, I knew that Lewis was one of the only people who didn't say these things. Maybe he wasn't like everyone else. But I couldn't be sure. He had a few friends and if he found out anything about me he might go and tell them all my secrets, my personal stuff. Also, I didn't was to hurt him. I bottled up a lot of my emotions and took them out on the people who annoyed me, got in my way. In took the pain out on other people, I guess. That why I never got close to anyone, I didn't want to loose it and hurt them.

... But he didn't seem like the type of person to do that...

... to spread things... to annoy me...

... But he could, if he really wanted to...

My mind was torn between these two things - trust him, or don't. I didn't know what I should do. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to keep the kid around...

The bell rang, announcing the end of the first lesson. 'Only 4 more to go.' I told myself. As I was getting my bag Lewis came over again. "D-do you think w-we could... I dunno... hangout later... maybe?" He kept his head down not looking at me properly, again he seemed nervous; it show his English accent more.

"We'll see kid, yeah?" I smiled at him, he looked up as I did. He smile back and quickly turned around.

"Ok s-see you in a bit." He said.

He probably though I hadn't seen the blush that crossed his face when I smiled at him. He was as bad as some of the girls, thinking that I'd want to date one of them. But, then again, he was different to them. I felt like, maybe, in time, I would be able to trust him.