Stitched up Heart

Now or Never

Eventually, Lewis and I got up and dressed. I told him that I was going out to and find my dad. He begged me not to go, he didn't want me to get into a fight with my dad or get hurt. I told him that I was going to talk to him, try and keep things civil. Before that, I didn't really have a plan as to what I'd do when I saw him. Part of me wanted to yell at him and hit him, but inside I know that nothing would get solved with more violence. Maybe starting with a civil conversation was better, we could try and talk things out. If he wasn't drunk that is.

After I was dressed I asked Lewis to make us both a tea before I left and said that I needed to speak to him. We sat down at the counter, like we normally did. While he was making the tea, I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. I scribbled down my address on the paper and slid it across the counter surface to Lewis. "This is where I'm, most likely, gonna be." I told him, "This is my house ok?"

"O-ok. But what if you don't come back?"

It thought for a moment. It was possible that something could happen to me. After all, he had poisoned my mum. "If I'm not back by four this afternoon, call me a few times. If I don't answer your calls, assume something's happened and come look for me." I tapped the paper with the address on it, "If my dad isn't at the apartment, I'll call you. When I find out where he is I'll let you know."

"Yeah... yeah, ok." He nodded picking the paper up. He folded it over a couple of times and put it in his pocket.

"I'll go in a bit, before the pubs open."

Lewis knew that my house was in a rough part of town. A lot of people who lived there were involved with drug dealing of some kind, most drank regularly and a few had been in prison for one thing or another. There were a few relentless gangs who lived near my house and, if you didn't know the backstreets, were hard to avoid. I told him that if, I wasn't at the apartment when he came looking for me, to go home, I did want him hanging around there after dark. We went through so many things, different scenarios and what he should do. "Look, none of this will happen. We'll talk about things and sort it out, then I'll come home." He looked terrified; he kept tell me that he didn't want me to get hurt. No matter how hard I tried to reassure him, he was still worried. It was only because he cared about me.

I decided to leave the house so I could catch the 10 o'clock bus to the other side of town. I put on my hoodie and trainers before telling Lewis I was leaving. He came out of the living room and we stood in the hallway. I cupped his cheek in one hand, "I'll be ok, don't worry. I love you." I told him with the best reassuring smile I could manage.

"I-I love you to Rhys. Please don't get hurt."

I laughed quietly, "I won't, it's gonna be fine." I kissed his forehead and rested my head against his. "I'll see you on a few hours, ok?" I took my hand away and moved towards the door.

"Ok... see you later." He said - holding the door open for me. As I stepped outside a cold wind whipped down the street followed by a few drops of rain. I turned and smiled at Lewis before I walked down the road. He smiled back and waved as he shut the door.

Things had to be ok, for Lewis's sake. I knew how my dad could get and I knew that there was a high chance I'd get hurt, but I needed Lewis to think I was going to be ok. My dad wouldn't kill me, I wouldn't let him. The 'what if' thoughts started circling in my head. I breathed in deeply and told myself to calm down, there was no point getting worked up over nothing. I Lewis had taught me one thing, it's that you can't do anything if you're panicking. If I kept my cool then it would be ok, I wouldn't mess anything up.

Just as I reached the stop, the bus came round the corner. As it was late morning, it was fairly quiet. Most people were either at school or work, so there were plenty of empty seats. I sat down by the window and relaxed and the bus hummed gently, moving down the road. I tapped my fingers on my knee with one hand and held my head up with the other. As I sat there, I told myself that this could be the only chance I got to sort things out for good. If I messed up today, I could die for one; or I could put mum and Annie in more danger. It had to be today.

In what felt like seconds, we arrived at the bus stopped near my apartment. I thanked the driver and got off the bus. The apartment blocks towered overhead, looming like giants. It was still spitting with rain so I pulled the hood of my jacket overnight my head and brushed a few strands of hair back as I did so. The streets were familiar to me, I'd grown up here - I knew every alleyway and backstreeet the the palm of my hand. After a few minutes walk (barely taking note of my surroundings) I reached the building where my 'home' was.

Carefully, I climbed the damp stairwell up to the floor of my apartment. With the shelter of the floor above, I took my hood down. This was it. Now or never.