Stitched up Heart

Mess in my Head

What the hell was I doing?

I lay down on my bed once Lewis had left. I sighed and rubbed my eyes; a million things were running through my head. Most of them involved him, though some were about my sister. I was worried about her, dad could still find her and I really wanted to see her just to make sure that she was alright. She hated being away from me.

But Lewis...

I had only really known him a day; we had been in the same school for a year, the same classes for months. But I never really had a chance to talk to him. I'm glad that I did. If I hadn't spoken to him earlier, I would be in the streets right now. I suppose I could have gone to my grandmas, but I don't think she would have wanted to harbour both me and my sister. So I could thank him for that.

But he was getting through to me in a different way. He was kind, considerate, caring. So many things that I wasn't. I had shut myself off for months being rude and ignorant to most people. Yet he still chose to care about me. It made me feel something, it was weird.

I'd only known him a day. That was the thing. I couldn't just fall for him like that, especially after shutting everyone out and pushing them away for months. But Lewis just got through to me, he made me feel like I could trust him, that was sometching that very few people had from me. The thing was, I was falling for him. I hated it. Why couldn't I just be his friend, that's probably all he wanted. He probably felt sorry for me because I looked alone a lot and wanted to give me someone to talk to.

Probably. Of course, I didn't need know exactly how he felt about me. He seemed to look up to me in a way, admire me. I wasn't much to admire. I thought I was rude and selfish so I don't know what traits he saw in me.

I pulled the duvet up over my head and just lay in my clothes for a few minutes, trying to clear my mind. Eventually, i changed into a bagged t-shirt and joggers and lay down again, I want ready to sleep, I wouldn't be for a while. It was too early to think about sleep, my mind was just too full.

I wanted him...

It was a strange feeling. After months of having no one, I wanted to love the first person who showed me any kindness. I wasn't going to tell him about myself feelings, not yet anyway. That would just creep him out. One day.

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I must have fallen asleep at one point because when I woke up the room was pitch black. I flicked my phone on, it was half eleven. After laying awake for a little while I realised I was thirsty. Slowly, I crept out of my room and down the landing. To my surprise, none of the floor boards creaked like they did at home. I managed to get down stairs and back with a glass of water without disturbing anyone. If I was a teacher home the whole apartment would have been awake.

I couldn't help myself but to check in on Lewis. How door was open a crack so I stuck my head round the door. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep, he didn't looked worried or afraid. Just calm. I like that about him, who he would stay strong even though Matthew bullied him. I wish I was like that.

Lewis was right, it was Friday tomorrow, then I would have the weekend to see my sister and hang out with Lewis. Well, if he wa about and... wanted to hangnail out that is. He probably would, he seemed to wanted to spend every waking second with me at the moment. I obviously meant a lot to him, just like he did to me. My mind was a mess...