Wanting Them - Wanting You/Us Sequel

Prolouge

Monday April 8th 2013 (twins 3 months, Kayla 3.5, Doug just turned 10)
I sat in the nursery breastfeeding the twins. They were both so precious I never wanted to even put them down in their cribs. I wanted to hold onto them forever. Chris dropped the big kids off at school and then came home to me. "Hey baby, pass Benny here." He said as he walked over to me. I gave my husband a kiss before giving him our son.

"How was Kayla at drop off today?"

"She was better. She was still sad that she had to go to school but I promised her she'd get to spend time with Benny and Ryeli when she got home." I nodded softly as Ryeli continued to feed. Since having the twins not only was I really attached, but Kayla had a melt down whenever she had to leave them. She loved her baby siblings so much but she never wanted to be apart from them. Drop off was really hard as she just wanted to go back home to see them. "Oh and I have something to tell you."

"Go ahead." I put Ryeli in her crib as Chris put Benny down. I stood in my husbands arms, and put my hands on his chest.

"Hamilton is going off-broadway next year. (I know this is 1 year too early, but it's for the story!) Rehearsals are starting in a few months." I smiled and jumped up into Chris's hips and hugged him tightly.

"I'm so proud of you baby. You deserve this and you're going to be so amazing and I love you so much."

"I love you too." He giggled before kissing me. "Mandy, I know it's going to be so hard on you. I'm going to be gone a lot. But I'm going to try my absolute hardest to support you and our family." The sudden realisation of him not being around at all hit me. I got down from Chris's hips and walked over to the kids to see them both sleeping in their cribs. I lifted Benny up and rocked him in my arms as tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't bare the thought of doing this alone. I couldn't care for four children aged between 3 months and 10. I couldn't do that by myself. "Mandy what's wrong?" Chris asked massaging my shoulders as tears fell out my eyes.

"I can't do this. I want you to act, sing, perform. It's your dream. But I can't take care of them. I can't look after four children alone Chris."

"You won't be alone, I'll still be here for you."

"But rehearsals are all day. Then shows. Think about previews. You'll have rehearsals from 8-6 then a performance from 7-11. I'm never going to see you. Our children will never see you."

"Baby. I know it's gunna be tough. But we need the money, and I promise to be there for you when you need me. I love you."

"I love you too, but I don't know about all this now. I'm not that strong."

"Babe, I'll talk to Lin. I'm sure he can schedule it to fit around us a bit. See if I can do drop off for the big kids, then go to rehearsals, pick them up from their activities at 5 and bring them home, have dinner with you all and then go to the show at 7. Lin knows us, he knows we have four little ones, he will understand."

"Okay. But remember that Lin's not completely in charge, there's Alex and Tommy and Andy, and the producers as well."

"I know sweetheart, but it will be okay. Now, can you turn so I see my beautiful wife's face." I did as he asked and turned but rested my head on his chest, looking down at the child in my arms. "Hey Mandy." I took a glance up at him. "You're beautiful and amazing and the mother of my children and I love you more than anything in the world." I put my head down but Chris lifted my chin with his hand to look at me in the eye. "I know you Mandy Jackson-Gonzalez. I know you more than anyone in the world. I know you are so strong. And I know you are strong enough to do this. You really are Mandy. You are the strongest woman I know. You gave birth to the twins, and to Kayla. You looked after both Dougy and Kayla while heavily pregnant with the twins, you were Elphaba in Wicked, and Nina Rosario in In The Heights. Think of Nina, think of how strong that character is, how strong you were in playing her, think of everything you had to do to stay strong as that role. You had to be so strong when the whole thing happened with Adam in the cafe. You are so strong Mandy. You really are." He used his hand on my chin and pulled me into a kiss. I melted into it, falling in love with him all over again. He had the power to do that to me. I pulled back after a while and put my sleeping child back in his crib.

"I love you Benny." I said softly before turning to Chris. "And I love you even more my broadway Benny. The Benny to my Nina." I then pulled him into another kiss and we continued kissing and cuddling on the couch, until the twins awoke.