Wanting Them - Wanting You/Us Sequel

4 - Breaking Apart

After what must have been ten minutes, I heard Chris knocking on the bathroom door. "Mandy. I'm sorry."

"Go away Chris. Go eat with your family. I don't wanna talk to you."

"Please Mandy, I'm not eating dinner without my whole family by my side, and that includes you. Can we talk this out, I don't want you hurting yourself." Did he know about my cuts? The cuts I made whenever something went wrong as a way of punishment to myself for letting it go wrong? Did he know? "Mandy please don't baby." He knocked harder as I sliced my arm a little.

"You clearly think I'm a shit mother if you don't think I can look after the kids myself."

"I never said that! I know you are strong enough to look after them, but you were the one who started this by basically saying I'm not a good father for leaving them."

"That's not what I said. I just said I would be there for the children while you were working. And then you quit and blamed me for it! And you only used Gonzalez! Do you not love me anymore? Is that what this is?" My heart stopped as those words came out my mouth. Maybe he didn't love me any more. There was a moment of silence between us as tears fell from my eyes.

"Of course I fucking love you Mandy. You're my wife and I wouldn't change you for the world. God I'd die for you Mandy. I'd do anything for you and our children. I quit Hamilton for you, so I can be with you and help you with our children."

"That's not what this is about anymore Chris." I said. "This is about you and me."

"Just don't hurt yourself Mandy. Please."

"Too late." I said softly as I sliced again and deeper. At that news Chris literally pulled the door off the wall and ran into me. He studied my arms as I cried harder.

"Oh Mandy. Please stay strong." He kissed my forehead and found the bandages and wipes in the cabinet. He cleaned my arms and wrapped them up in the bandage taping it off. "Please Mandy. I can't lose you. I'm so sorry for our whole fight and argument. I should have just talked it out with you. I'm a mess and I was just in a bad mood. I'm sorry all this happened, but Mandy please don't do this again. You're safety and our children's safety is my number one priority. I love you and I'm here for you always."

"I'm sorry too Chris. I should have phrased what I said to the kids differently. I just have one request."

"What's that?" Chris asked nervously.

"You call Lin and get your job back. Please. I promise you that we will be okay, it'll be a rough start but I know we will be okay once we get into a routine. Just please get it back, I'd feel forever broken if I was the reason you quit your job. I really would. And we need the money, and I want you to get that money by doing something you love, not something you are doing because you have to."

"Okay, I'll call Lin back honey. I am always a phone call away while working." I nodded and pulled Chris in for a kiss. "I love you Mandy."

"I love you too Chris and I'm sorry about all this fighting that happened. I hate fighting with you."

"So do I. I'm sorry." He gave me another kiss and I smiled that things may be okay after all. "Do you want me to get you a jumper to hide the bandages from the kids?"

"Yes please." Chris put an arm under my legs and under my back and lifted me up and placed me softly on our bed. He found me a lightweight sweatshirt and I put that on. We headed downstairs together. I was nervous to face the kids, which Chris caught onto.

"You'll be fine mi amor."

"MAMA! DADDY!" Both kids screamed when we appeared. Kayla jumped into my arms as Doug jumped into Chris's. "What happened, you took so long."

"Daddy and I had to talk about work and everything. But it's all good now." I winced as Kayla moved around and put pressure right on my cuts. "You are such a big girl I gotta put you down gorgeous." I kissed her forehead and put her down. She walked back to her seat and climbed into her chair.

"Did you two like your dinner?" Chris asked, putting Doug down and sitting where his plate of cold food was.

"Yeah, it was yummy. But you and mama were missing. It was weird."

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Chris responded.

"Babe, do you want me to reheat your dinner so it's hot again?"

"Yes please honey." I smiled and took our plates and reheated the food. Once warm again I put them on the table.

"You two can go watch a movie or the TV if you like. Dougy you know what to do now, so pick something you and Kay can both enjoy."

"Alright mama. Thank you." They both left the kitchen and went to the living room. Chris and I sat eating dinner with very little conversation. The evening was in general pretty miserable. Chris and I put the twins in their cribs upstairs and soon after put the big kids to sleep. I went to bed early, feeling tired and weak. I didn't wait up for Chris to come up, I just fell asleep in bed.