Lone Wolf | SIRIUS BLACK

Chapter Thirty Two

| A L L   T H E   S A D   F A R E W E L L S   |

January, 1977

WE CRASHED through the roof of the Shrieking Shack.  Soaked to the bone and now covered in bits of rotting wood from the unstable Marauders Headquarters, I was beyond uncomfortable.

Lily didn't care.  She saw me and she yanked me into her, embracing me with the ferocity of a momma bear reunited with her cubs after a long time separated.  I was shocked she was even willing to touch me.  Not because of my current appearance with wood chips on torn clothes and seaweed in my hair but because of Constance.  Because I murdered her friend.

Yet Lily was treating me no different.  She was saying over and over how relieved she was and holding me tightly and it was the most heart-warming thing to happen to me while also being extremely confusing.

"I'm so glad you're okay."  Lily told me, looking directly in my eyes, as she looked me up and down. 

Sirius sat up next to me with a groan.  "Nobody worry about me.  It's not like I just broke into the most secure wizard prison to ever exist.  I'm totally fine."

"Are you sure about that, drama Queen? Do you need a foot rub to settle down after your trying day?" James teased his best friend and impulsively I threw myself into his arms from Lily's.  James was stunned for a moment before he pulled me closer to him.  "Thank Merlin you're safe, Howler.  I would have missed your whining."

Remus was next to James.  He knelt on the floor to hug me.  I held onto him for a long time. When I let go, the only sign that I'd been crying during our embrace was the tear tracks that left their wet stain on my face. Peter opened his arms to me and I went, smiling softly as he rubbed my back.  Then, once we were all reacquainted, I had to ask the difficult question.

"Why don't you hate me?"  I asked Lily.  "What happened with Con—"

I choked when I tried to say her name. Remus's hand came to rub circles on my back. "I hate that I've lost my friend." Lily admitted. "But you're my family and I know you. I know that you have control over your werewolf side, that you would never hurt anyone unless something forced you, and that it wasn't a full moon that night, so transformation shouldn't have been possible unless you consciously chose for it to happen, which you didn't. The possibility of a setup doesn't excuse what happened by a long shot, because Constance will never come back, but... I could never hate you."

At least she didn't sugarcoat and skirt around having to place blame like the boys did. She was being real about it. Being honest. It was hard to hear but at least it was the truth.

"I still love you, Cassie." She assured me.

How was that possible? How could love...

"How?" I whispered. I was undecided on whether or not I really wanted an answer.

"Love doesn't just go away when one person makes a mistake, big or small. Real love, like what I have for you, keeps on because it's not supposed to be fickle, it's supposed to be a forever and always kind of promise."

My heart went out to her for being this way. I thought she would see me as a monster. I thought she would refuse me, despise me. But Lily Evans was a pure, loving, soul who saw faults and accepted them. Murder was more than a fault in 99.9% of cases, though in mine it was still a large question mark. One which today we'd try to solve.