Lone Wolf | SIRIUS BLACK

Chapter Forty

So much for "I'm taking a week long hiatus".  Sorry definitely doesn't cut it, so I'm hoping the fact that I'm going to be publishing 9 chapters of Lone Wolf with no further wait will help.  Still though... sorry!  The fact that people are still voting and commenting and adding this story to their reading lists is really sweet; thank you.  ❤️

| T H E F E A R S Y O U
C A N N O T S H A K E |

February, 1977

I SLIPPED out of the trailer to watch the sunrise.  This was certainly no fairytale location to enjoy such a beautiful sight but I made do with what I had, and even found myself not hating it.

I set myself up against the door of the trailer, sitting on the little metal step. Sirius's coat was drawn tight around my body, acting as a blanket hanging over my bent legs. The sky was an endless swath of colourful silk. Vibrant oranges and pinks complimented the more mellow shades of purple painting the sky. 

The sight was calming in a time that was anything but.  I watched the sky take shape with its vivid canvas, taking in its evolution, and found peace in looking at something so beautiful.  There was no pain, no darkness.  I felt protected under the many hues, and it felt good not to be looking over my shoulder every five seconds, believing something terrible would unfold.

Of course, the minute I stopped thinking I would be snuck up on, was exactly when it happened. The door to the trailer opened, causing me to fall backwards from where I had been leaning, but a pair of legs propped me up in its place. Sirius stood above me, clad in a t-shirt and dark denim jeans. He perfectly summed up being stylish, even though he was dressed casually.  Especially with that effortlessly done hair with its shoulder length curls shuddering in the wind.

"Hey."

"Hey."  I scooted aside to let him come down the step and sit beside me. 

Sirius wrapped an arm around me.  For warmth or comfort, I didn't know.  Both, I supposed it could have been.  It hardly mattered.  Not when the cold crept in, bit by bit.  Was it even worth it anymore to say that I could put up barriers preventing it from getting to me?

"Couldn't sleep?"

Sleep was nightmare territory.  It got a little better with Sirius beside me but after that attack, after I killed that Death Eater, well, killing was still hard to stomach no matter which way it was rationalized.  I had traded one life for another, and I had done it without remorse in the moment.  When I closed my eyes, I saw and experienced everything from that day tenfold.

"I like watching the sunrise."  I changed our topic to something I could handle better.  "How are you?"

"Honestly?" He wondered and I nodded. "I feel like hell."

Because of me.

No, because of Mulciber.

Which was because of me.

My thoughts were battling for dominance, for the truth that I didn't want to hear either way. "Anything I can do?"

Sirius shook his head, kissing my forehead. All of his little touches, all of the reassurance... it didn't feel as effective as it did once before. "You did it already."