Lone Wolf | SIRIUS BLACK

Chapter Forty Eight

|   H E A L    T H E   W O U N D  , 
    C R U S H   T H E    S O U L    |

June 18th, 1996

I KNEW the state of being uneasy quite well.  I knew terror, I had faced my fair share of it before.  But I hadn't been marked with this kind of tension in a long time.

Dumbledore had left Hogwarts at the 'request' of the Ministry and Dolores Umbridge, AKA The 'Do-Gooder' Demoness, was put in charge.  Just thinking of what she could be doing to Harry, and to all of the poor children she didn't favour...  it made my blood boil.

I knew I would only make the situation worse by entering into it.  Sirius too.  That was why, I presumed, he hadn't barged into the school to set her pink knit cardigan on fire.

If I could have, I would've gone to rant to Remus but he had heard far too much from me lately, and was dealing with his own problems.  To my understanding, he and Nymphadora Tonks were getting really serious.  It probably put a lot of pressure on his mind; his ran with the same insecurities as mine did over whether being a werewolf endangered those we loved, and if we could prevent it and still be with them.

I hoped that he could find happiness.  That one of us could have something that lasted, and didn't throw away their chance the way that I had, all because of fear.

A floorboard creaked.

I had my wand in my hand two seconds later.  It was an instinctual reaction, after all these years.  And it appeared, so was something else.  My breath caught upon hearing another creak, knowing now exactly who it was.

"I know that you're here."  I called out to the dark as I travelled down the hallway of my house.  Each step took me closer to the source of the creaking floorboards.

Closer

to

him.

Sirius didn't turn around from my fireplace when I finally stepped into the living room's small space.  Somehow, with him here, the room felt huge.  It felt like there was a tear down the middle of the room — a dark ravine either of us could fall into if we dared go closer to each other. 

"I always wondered how many stupid things you heard from me with your werewolf hearing."

Many, many, things.

None of which mattered now.

"That's not how I knew."  I walked a little closer, my chest tightening with my heart in a vice grip.  It felt like all the air was choked out of my lungs seeing him here.  "I can sense you.  More than anyone else.  I don't need any heightened werewolf senses for that."

He and I...  we were always connected.  When he was attacked by Mulciber in the trailer park, years and years ago, I could recall an electricity pulsing through my blood.  I was drawn to him like there was some kind of invisible magnet strapped to my body and to his.  It didn't feel supernatural though.

It felt normal.

Sirius still kept his back to me.  He was watching the flames, in all of their bright orange glory, dance atop the charred firewood.  I watched the ashes fall and couldn't help but think how we had become those ashes, transitioning from a powerful flicker of flame to barely being in existence.