Burn ▹ Ashton Irwin

eleven

A whole week went by, and we hardly ever spoke to each other. Mornings we drove, afternoons were awkward, and nights I just left Ashton alone. He was quiet for most of the time, only speaking to me if it was really needed to talk to one another. With that, we probably said at the most 10 words to each other each day. Ashton was more distant than what I was exposed to with the first days I spent with him. Usually, he would be mean and make a lot of rude remarks, but now...he just didn't speak to me. It was painfully agonizing to drive with him in the car, because each trip was growing more awkward by the day. It was lucky that there were always 80s rock songs blasting through the radio, because the music was almost like a barrier, shielding out any opportunity for things to get too unfomfortable.

I really don't know what made Ashton so upset with me...really, I don't. Last week when we had argued over my actions to stop that drug deal, and things were getting more and more difficult every day with him. I don't know if I said anything offending, but I really didn't mean to if I did. All I did was tell him that he would've been really hurt if we had stayed with those people any longer, and that he never tells me any information. I didn't mean for him to get so incredibly upset, but I couldn't stop what he was feeling. To be completely honest, he would've been killed if I didn't do anything last week on that night. And then, our fighting ended with him admitting to his little fear, and that was the end of it. He really didn't seem so happy about telling me, as he followed up with saying that he hates me to my face. I mean, I know I hate him too...but I would never tell him that.

He obviously doesn't like to talk about himself, since he was so reluctant to just let me get to know him. In the end I just wanted to know him like a possible friend, but that seemed really hard to do now. He didn't speak to me; he acted like I was not even there, like wasted space. It hurt deep down...but maybe that's just because of me being so familiar with getting everything I want. Man, it sucks.

Having fears of things is common. Everyone is scared of at least one thing, and that's completely normal. In my opinion, if someone says they're fearless...they're lying. But, at the same time....fire. Huh. Who would've thought that out of everything in the world, Ashton was scared of fire? It's quite random... but it's his self, so he can fear whatever he fears and it's not my decision on what people are scared of. I would've guessed like, spiders or something...but fire. I wonder why.

Stella called, by the way. The day after Ashton and I's fight, she was wondering where I was. I have missed one day of work so far, and after she had called I had to tell her I was sick. She luckily believed me, and was expecting me to be back in a couple days. I have no idea what the hell was going to happen, and I was dreading the next time she calls. Same with my mother, too. I tell her I'm doing fine, we talk for some more, she puts more money on my bank account...and that's the end of it. Fortunately, she doesn't ask as much questions as my boss. No one knows I'm doing this, and I really don't know how much longer I can keep it up.

I didn't know what to do right now; I wanted to just get on good terms with Ashton, so things wouldn't be so uneasy all the time. But he seemed too stubborn to want the same thing as I did.

We were now in Chicago, Illinois. It was about 4:00 in the afternoon, and we've been driving all day. I've obviously never been here before, but Ashton obviously has. I wonder how he's been able to go to all of these places, but it's apparent that I'll never know. I was following Ashton as he led the way up the steps to a motel room, and I was scared to be in a confined room with him.

"What do you have to do tonight?" I asked, shutting the door behind me.

"Nothing." he mumbled, texting someone on his phone. I can't remember the last time we made eye contact, to be completely honest. It was kind of saddening to me, and I still don't know what I did to make him even more distant.