Burn ▹ Ashton Irwin

twenty five

I layed awake that night, not finding the strength stay still, or to actually shut my eyes and go to sleep. As tired as I was, I didn't necessarily want to be asleep at the moment. I just kept thinking and thinking, endlessly wondering about all the things I have learned in the past few hours. I was the only one awake at this time; Michael and Calum have been asleep for ages and Ashton fell asleep a few hours ago. Everything was very quiet around me, but inside it was like a party of thoughts and accusations.

I thought about Luke, most of all. It was frightening to run through the stories I heard about him and imagine it all for myself. I found myself legitamitely picturing what it would be like to be a 17 year old drug addict, and every image I created scared the living shit out of me. It seems dangerous. More than dangerous: maybe even deadly. And even though I told Ashton that there is a chance Luke could be still be alive and well, in the back of my mind I knew that was most likely not true. Considering all the things I was told... I don't believe Luke is alive, either.

The two of us layed together in the mess of soft white sheets in the bed closest to the door. Ashton was snoring softly beside me, cuddled up against me with his back pressed to my front, my top arm draped over his waist. It felt kind of odd to be the big spoon in this situation, but I knew Ashton wasn't feeling that happy and he had asked me to do it anyways. When we got back from our walk and got ready for bed, Ashton wasn't speaking much and he rarely smiled. I knew that our talk about Luke had made him a little sad, but all together I think it was good of him to openly talk about the subject. Once again, I just felt bad for Ashton because he really doesn't have anyone left. Maybe just a few friends. Me, with no doubt.

Another hour passed and I was still clinging to Ashton's sleeping body, resting my head against his arm, rubbing my thumb over his soft skin, attempting to finally go to sleep. It was nearly 4:00 AM and if I don't get to sleep now, I'll be dead tomorrow.

But my eyes opened back up when I felt Ashton start to stir beside me. It started with his knees bending up to his chest, and then his shoulders haunching over. For a moment he was laying in a fetal position until I heard a light groan come from him, interrupting the silence in the room that had been continuous for hours. I shifted away from his body as he slowly got up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. I opened my mouth to ask why he was awake all of a sudden, but I stopped when he groaned again.

"Ashton." I whispered as he pushed himself off the bed. He whipped around and looked at me with surprise, followed by a little confusion.

"Sky?" he asked quietly, tilting his head to the side. "Why are you awake?"

"I just - I couldn't..." my voice trailed off when Ashton shut his eyes and groaned once again, rushing to the bathroom. "...sleep?"

I sat up in alarm when I heard the sounds of Ashton puking in the other room. My eyes widened and I threw the covers off my body, straining my neck to hear a little closer. I heard him quietly puke and mutter multiple curse words under his breath. I quickly sprang off the mattress, careful not to wake Michael and Calum up, and I walked over to the bathroom after him. When I opened the door and peeked inside, I saw Ashton sitting on the floor with his face practically in the toilet, groaning and puking over and over again. His back was haunched over and even from all the way over here, I could easily count the bumps in his spine that stuck out against his skin.

"Ashton," I said, shutting the door behind me. "What happened?"

"I - " Ashton tried to say, lifting his head up. But he stopped and went right back down, interrupted by another fit of puking. "Fuck, man."

"Are you alright?" I got down and crouched beside him, gazing over the scary sight.

"I drank way too much," he chuckled, his face still in the toilet. "Happens a lot. Not very pleasant."