CreepyPasta Parent Scenarios

27. Dad Jokes

Outlier ages stated otherwise, ages 6-13.

Jeff The Killer

"Is the apple tree ready to be picked yet?" You ask one day, gazing out the window.

Your father also looked as well. "Yeah, I guess so. If you want to pick them sometime..."

"Let's go!" You immediately shoot from your seat and take off, trying to pull your father's arm with you as you run.

You weren't actually running though. Your father's strength keeping you in one place. "Hold on, let me go get the buckets and the ladder."

You pause and nod finally listening to his words and letting him go. "Ok, I'll meet you outside!" You quickly run off.

When you two met back outside, your father put the ladder up and handed you a bucket. "Go crazy."

You look up at the tree full of many ruby red apples. "I wonder how many of them are there?"

"Do you know how many apples grow on a tree?" Your father asked knowingly.

"No, how many?" You asked eagerly.

"All of them."

...

"...Dad, I want to kill you..."

Eyeless Jack (E.J)

Outlier age: You're 20 years old.

As you were making dinner in your apartment your phone started ringing.

Your hands were kind of full, cutting up more vegetables for the stir-fry on the stove. So you quickly brought out your phone, clicked answer and wedged it between your ear and your shoulder. "Hello?"

"You haven't called me in a while. Are you mad at me?" It was your father.

"No no! I've just been busy with Uni that's all. How are you doing?" You asked after assuring him you weren't deliberately ignoring or avoiding him.

You talked with him for a bit, but the more you talked the harder it was to finish making your dinner and finally inquired, "Hey... I know it's been a while, but I'm in the middle of making supper. Can I call you later?"

"No..."

You frown, going to ask why only for him to speak once more.

"Don't call me later. Call me dad."

It took you a second to understand. "...Ach... Dad! Really you had to go there?!"

He chuckled. "Yup."

Ben Drowned

"Dad, look at these shoes. I like them." You say, showing your phone's screen to display a set of shoes that you were going to need since your other ones were beyond saving.

Your father looks at the shoes and squints, eventually shaking his head in disapproval. Although you could see a mischevious idea behind his red eyes. "I don't recommend buying velcro... It's a total rip-off."

...

You chuck the phone at his head cursing him for the stupid dad jokes.

He only laughed.

Slenderman

Your young little-self was insanely bored and decided to go to your father for some wisdoming entertainment. Not expecting the confusing statement.

"Papa! Tell me something cool!"

His head tilts towards you and you quickly add. "Please?"

He doesn't react for a moment. Going as still as a statue before nodding and pulling you onto his lap and swiveling his chair so you and he were looking outside.

He pointed a finger at the tall fat trees in the distance. "Do you not see any elephants in the trees?"

You gasp looking closer only to disappoint when you saw nothing out of the ordinary. No elephants in sight. "What? No..."

"Do you know why you can't see them hiding?"

"Why?" You look up, knowing full well his facial expression was going to be blank as ever but noticed the cheeky aura around him. It was odd.

"That's because they're so good at it."

You were beyond confused and looked back out the window, choosing to ignore your father's chest rumbling behind you.

You didn't understand the logic of the fact and soon realized it was simply a joke. A dad joke.

"Papa! Why do you do this?!" You whined, annoyed that your father would go to such lengths to live up to the dad figure in your life.

He only shrugged in return. The cheeky aura never fading.

Ticci Toby

You were surprised to see the new appearance of your father as he finally came home from doing errands. Entering the living room in which you sat on the sofa, watching tv. "Daddy, did you get a haircut?"

Your father reached a hand to his freshly styled hair. "N-no..."

You furrow your brows, surely his hair was at least a few inches shorter. You held back your question as he looked ready to say more.

"I got... got all of them c-cut."

...

You caught on easily and your father had to dodge a decorative couch pillow. "Oh my gawd, dad! Really?! You knew what I meant!"

Your father smiled innocently. "I'm n-not sure what... what you mean, (Y/N)."

Another pillow flew and hit him in the face.

Bloody Painter

Second Outlier age: You're 17 years old

You rushed back home to tell some interesting and exciting stories from your work as a cashier. "Dad! Dad. You gotta hear this!"

Your father, equally happy to hear your stories, having heard of previous funny ones he ran over to hear about today.

"It was hilarious! And the guy's daughter was so embarrassed!" You laughed and made your father laugh too.

"What happened?" He asked through chuckles. This was going to be good.

You were quick to tell. "They were checking out their groceries, right? And I went to ask if they wanted the milk in a bag or if they wanted to carry it out and the, what I assumed, dad immediately replied, 'No just keep it in the carton!'..." You immediately crack up as well as your father.

"Aww man. I should have thought of that one! That's a really good dad joke!" Your father exclaimed, slapping his thigh in loss. (Okay I know it's not that funny, but when I first read it, it was. Bear with me here.)

The Puppeteer

Your father was driving you to school, despite the lack of skill when it came to driving. He drove you two down the road, coincidently passing by a cemetery. Your father choosing to say something. "The graveyard looks overcrowded... People must be dying to get there."

You gaped at your father who grinned like a madman.

The spirit you called a father opened his mouth to push more. "We could go see my gravestone too if you'd like..."

"DAD."

___________________________________

Help me. My English is going to crap.