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04 | Chapter Four

B O N N I E

After mom leaves, the silence drags on for a few more seconds—neither of us giving in and breaking the tension, not wanting to lose the silent battle. I glare at Josh, daring him to break it, and he gives in. Rolling his eyes with a loud sigh, he shakes his head at me.

I follow his movements as he drags a hand through his long, sandy blonde hair, which I now notice is slightly wet, like he just showered. He leans back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest, dragging my eyes to the bulges in his arms. Man, he looks so different from the boy I knew.

Obviously, I knew he would've grown up since then, but I never imagined the way he would grow into himself. I briefly glance down at myself, noting how inferior I am to him. Looks-wise, that is. Now uncomfortable with his presence, I try to flatten out my clothes again to look less disheveled.

"I've been waiting all these years to get you alone, BonBon," he says in barely a whisper. That gets my attention instantly. "Now that I have you here, though, I don't know what to say or where to start." His eyes glance up to meet mine, his expression blank, but I see so many emotions floating around in those steely gray irises.

"There's nothing to say, Josh, just go home," I state. I can't deal with his shit right now. I am still so angry at him, not only for last night, but for how he left me all those years ago. He pushes off from the kitchen counter, slowly walking towards me, "Bonnie, just give me a minute to explain," I spin back around, cutting him off before he could continue, and I scream back at him. "Explain what?" he startles at my tone, but he doesn't step back.

"Explain how you just left and didn't think to tell me?"

"Or how you went for four years with no contact? There is a thing called social media. Why didn't you use that?"

"I tried looking you up, but you were nowhere to be found. But then when I tried to search for you on Liv's phone, there you were. Explain that to me, Josh."

"Bonnie, please," he pleads, his face now sullen. Part of me feels bad for yelling at him, but then I remember the pain I went through, not knowing what I did wrong. I understood his mom was sick and needed to get treatment, but why did that mean he had to block me out of his life?

"No, just get out." I point towards the front door, and he acknowledges this with a single nod. I wrap my arms around my body, seeking comfort within myself. Without another word or any more arguments, he leaves.

The door clicks shut quietly behind him, and I sink to the floor. Pulling my knees up into my chest, I hold them there as tight as I possibly can, trying not to cry.

Taking in deep breaths, I try to calm my heart from beating out of my chest. My mind just wants to go back to thoughts of Josh and me when we were kids. But I'm not ready to deal with him, not yet. I honestly don't know if I ever will be.

A few minutes later, I hear a knock at the door. Hesitantly, I get up and walk over, praying that he hasn't come back for more. Opening it up, I expect to see him and blurt out, "go away, Josh-" I protest without looking up.

"You look like absolute shit," Olivia stands in my doorway, looking as beautiful and radiant as ever. Sometimes I hate having her as my best friend. How am I to live when there are people like her that exist? Olivia would smack me if she heard me internalized thoughts. She's always telling me how beautiful I am, and I know she's right. I am beautiful. We all are in our own way. She just happens to be runway model beautiful.

"How do you always look so amazing? It's not fair-" I sigh, opening the door wider so she can come inside. She strolls inside with a massive grin on her face as if last night never happened, and I motion towards the kitchen. Olivia showed up at the perfect time. I'm about ready to eat my feelings, and I know for a fact she will be willing to partake.