Effortless (h.s.)

Chapter TWENTY TWO - nightmare

"You lied to me, for so long. No wonder you haven't seen me in a week, you didn't tell me you were fucking Harry Styles!" Dylan slammed the bathroom door angrily, my muscles stiffened at the loud noise. His nostrils were flaring and his muscular body stood tall from across the apartment.

"I didn't lie to you! And I'm not fucking him, he's helping me out-" I desperately pleaded him, he wouldn't let me within five feet of him. He was constantly moving to stay away.

Was he right? It was stupid for me not to tell him, especially when I knew he had feelings for me. I couldn't imagine being in his shoes right now. I didn't lie, no, but I didn't tell the full truth. I counteracted my sympathetic nature though. It wasn't his job to know everything there is to know about me, that includes who my neighbors are or who my employer is.

"O-Oh," he stuttered, the burning rage of hate and anger being held within his eyes terrified me, "He's helping you? What the hell does that even mean?" He screamed once more, Dylan's brown combed hair was tousled on the top of his head and the blue of his eyes were darker than usual.

"Why do you care?" I yelled back with tears in my eyes, so incredibly frustrated that I had to deal with this when he would go off with different girls every night, "You fucked two people last night!"

The whites in his eyes were practically gone at this point. His back muscles tensed up, his long and tan legs started to stalk their way over to me.

My body was paralyzed in my living room, there was no escaping him. As he leaned into me as if I was his prey, his structured face looked terrifying close up. I was stuck underneath him while my heart was beating so hard it physically hurt me.

"I think you know exactly why, Lennon."

I shot up gasping for air, the inside of my body was burning up and my skin was freezing cold. Beads of sweet poured down my face and I was sticky everywhere. My emotions and body were in shock, the dark room I was in brought me back to reality. I heaved forward and cried into my hands with relief but also with guilt heavily clouding my mind.

Dylan and I hadn't seen each other in only a few days, but I felt so bad. We used to hang out daily before things got so hectic.

A hand pressed itself into my lower back, I screamed and jumped up out of the bed.

I turned to find a sleepy looking Harry laying next to where I had just been, tucked underneath the covers of my full sized bed. I quickly wiped away the loose tear that streamed down my cheek and sniffled, snapping out of my pathetic state and back into what Harry was used to.

"Why are you crying?" Harry sat up, my heart ached because even though the room was dark, I could see the stressed out expression on his face. He truly was worried about me.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out, "Go back to bed, I just need to use the bathroom," without letting him get another word in, I scurried out of the bedroom and out into the main part of the apartment that led to the bathroom.

The palm of my hand banged around on the wall, searching for the light switch. When I finally found it and lit up the room, the first thing I saw was my reflection in the mirror. The skin on my face was pale and the freckles on my cheeks stood out more than they usually did. My eyes red and puffy and hair a matted mess from the cold sweats.

I slowly walked over to the toilet and sat down on the lid, letting my tears consume me completely. My knees stuck together while my feet arched on either side of the toilet, I bowed my body over itself and moved only when my crying intensified.

I no longer felt like myself, it was like I was morphing into someone else each day.

It wasn't a bad thing either, I didn't feel like I was weak or fragile anymore, but that's what scared me. Never have I ever been this happy and excited to live each day of my life. The power I was consumed by felt amazing, but the overhanging guilt constantly raining over me was only growing with time though.

Dylan loved hanging out with me, a girl who was too shy to hug someone first and someone who didn't show emotion. He wasn't going to like the new me, I knew it. It was my fault that our friendship was going to perish. The nagging voice in the back of my head brought up another issue.

Harry.

There was a boy who I have looked up to for the past eight years of my life laying in my bed. What the fuck was I doing with my life. I sat up slightly and rested the back of my hand on my forehead with one hand while wiping the tears falling down my cheeks with the other.

My body shuddered and I fell back down in between my knees, sobbing at this point.

I had never been so scared in my entire life. There were endless possibilities for everything and it terrified me, what if I mess everything up?

The door squeaked open and within a second, the curly haired boy peeped his head around the wooden door and watched me with apprehensive eyes. I swallowed and wiped the tears once more and sat up on the seat, giving him a weak smile.

"Don't," he uttered to me, sliding into the small bathroom and shutting the door behind him. I put my head back down and stared at the dirty tile beneath my feet. The cold air in here was calming me down, it brought me back to reality and helped me determine between real life and dreaming.

I snapped out of my train of thought when Harry bent down and squatted in front of me, my eyes trailed up and met his. The green in his eyes were reflective in this bright bathroom. The smile fell off of my face when I noticed how concerned he really was, a sigh left my lungs and I shrugged to him.

"It was a nightmare," I murmured to him, "It just felt really real, that's all."

Harry's lips pressed themselves into a firm line, "You're crying, Len," he was so close to me that I could see each of the pores in his nose.

I shook my head, there was no use lying to him. I let one last sigh out before looking up at him again, directly in the eyes, "I had a dream Dylan was yelling at me and saying things about him and I, I thought he had finally lost it but..." I trailed off, "it wasn't real, everything's okay."

Harry started at my forehead where a few little droplets of sweat still rested, he wiped my hair line with his hand and trailed it down to the side of my jaw and tilted my head up at him, "You can tell me, you know that?" His tone was very serious but comforting, it was nice to know someone genuinely cared.

I got caught up in his presence though.

"I can't explain what I feel for you," I choked out, my body felt a release from those few words.

Harry's face fell immediately and he placed his hand on my knee, I glanced down but when Harry whispered a slight "Wait," I moved my eyes back up to see his again.

"Can you try?" He leaned closer to me, his eyes were drawing me in.

I opened my mouth and thought hard, I crinkled my brows and bit my lip before starting, "That dream scared me, because it didn't happen but it could. The uncertainty of it all is... horrifying. This..." I motioned a single finger between the two of our chests, "Whatever this is, scares me because it's already happening."

His eyes didn't leave my face, they scanned me like I was going to disappear in the blink of an eye. I couldn't even care I just had admitted to feeling something for him. I wanted it off my chest, it was slowly suffocating me. Each day the feelings for him would intensify...

I watched his eyes flicker with a bit of excitement from my words, "Bloody terrifying," he agreed to me and simultaneously fell back onto his butt. He pushed himself up against the wall across from the toilet, his chin tilted up so his head was resting on the wall as well. One of his knees were raised in the air, his arm slung over his knee, while the other was resting on the ground.

We both let out a breath of air we didn't know we were holding, it was hard for me to maintain my breathing with him that close to me. I shut my eyes and hid my face in my hands again, my heart felt empty because he didn't reciprocate the feelings back, but it was nice to have my thoughts out on the table.

"Len?"

I looked up to him, "Hm?"

"I would've kissed you right there, but I didn't want our first kiss to be on the toilet," he spoke with little to no emotion and when he finished the sentence, he left his lips slightly parted. I watched his chest rise up and down in a soothing rhythm.

A blush spread onto my cheeks and I simply nodded, failing to hide my small smile evoked from Harry.