Kyber Heart - Poe Dameron

Chapter 16

The pilots were sat in the grass atop one of the hangers, leaning back in their elbows. They had ditched their heavier layers – Poe his flight vest and Nova her jacket – further increasing their feelings of comfort. For that moment they were not two Resistance fighters ready for action at the drop of a credit, but simply two friends enjoying one another's company.

"Why did you get to have all the excitement?" Poe said in mock annoyance as Nova finished recounting her tale of escape.

"It was my turn," she chuckled. "And it wasn't all fun."

"Who said anything about fun?" he deadpanned. "How you holding up?"

"I'm holding. Can't really tell past that. I've been ignoring it," she admitted. Her defence mechanism was so default it took her a while to notice it had even been deployed. "You?"

Poe shrugged. "You know me. I'm always okay."

"Poe," she gently chided. "You don't have to lie to me."

"I know." He grew quiet, keeping his gaze on the sky. "I've been ignoring it too."

Nova could hardly blame him. Try as he might to hide it, she could feel how shaken their stay aboard the Finalizer had left him. His snarky attitude had remained unbruised, but his confidence and faith had been tested.

"It's not your fault, Poe."

"Doesn't matter now," he sighed. "The mission's done. You and Beebee-Ate are safe."

Nova nodded. "So are you."

"Yeah." They lapsed into silence, a tension filling the air that was already thick with heat. Discussing their mission was no longer appropriate.

Hesitantly, Poe inched his hand closer to hers, needing to reassure himself. That he could reach her. Hold her if she would let him. To remind himself that she was there. And real. And safe.

It felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders when their hands touched.

Nova too felt a sense of relief, knowing he was beside her.

She found peace in examining his face. It calmed her inner conflict – the war between her head and heart. Play it safe. Or risk it all. How long would it take to tear them apart either way?

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," she muttered, looking back to the grass. "I didn't stop him when I had the chance..."

"Hey. If it's not my fault it's not yours either," Poe said.

"But –"

"No," he cut her off. "Nova, no one expected you to kill your own brother."

"I wasn't strong enough. I was too emotional – no control."

"And being emotional is a bad thing?"

"Yes," she snapped. "It gets in the way. Maybe then I would have been a better Jedi – focused on learning rather than trying to prove I was better than my brother. No one's going to fail just so you can succeed, after all."

"You really do sound like your mother sometimes," Poe mused, more to himself than to her.

Nova rolled her eyes. She understood the intended sentiment, but would rather avoid being compared to her mother – or anyone in her family for that matter. Upholding that legacy was a daunting task she had failed at in numerous ways.

She let out a long breath, sitting up and drawing her legs closer to her chest. "I don't want to feel like this..."

Poe sighed, looking for a fresh topic of conversation. Something significantly more light-hearted. "What do you plan to do when we win?"

"If," Nova reflexively corrected.

He remained undeterred. "When."

She paused, considering the question. "I don't know. I don't really see a future for myself outside of this war..."

"You don't expect to survive this?"

Nova shook her head. "I don't even know how I've survived this long. I don't deserve this."

"You really should give yourself more credit," Poe countered. "Come on, you've saved countless lives – you've more than made up for everything. You do deserve more than this."

She sighed. "Well, what exactly do I have to go back to?"

He could not stop himself from glancing down at their hands, still resting against one another.

Nova noticed. "Stop it."

Her voice was soft, her words losing their usual command. Because despite what she tried to convince herself and Poe, it was the last thing she wanted him to do. She wanted to stay like that forever if she could.

Normally, it would have scared her. But after everything that mission had subjected her to, maybe it was not so bad.

She chewed the inside of her cheek, returning her gaze to Poe's face, finding his expression kind and gentle – undemanding. Strangely alluring to her.

She could not bring herself to look him in the eyes, well aware that he was watching her. Testing the waters as he glanced to her lips.

They were unbelievably close, something neither of them could ignore. They were like two moons trapped in orbit; gravity pulling them closer and closer until they would inevitably collide.

Their eyes fluttered closed as their noses brushed against each other – bracing for impact, when –

"Nova! Poe! –"

Nova gasped, pulling back quickly, averting her gaze from Poe. She swallowed the lump in her throat, almost certain it could actually be her heart.

Poe was slower to move, sighing heavily through his nose before turning to look at Finn – his tone a little terse. "What is it?"

"The recon flight's back," he said. "You two are needed."

Nova nodded, getting to her feet. She snatched up her jacket from the grass, brushing past Finn without a word, earning her a confused look from him. She felt like she was shaking, despite appearing to be as steady as a rock. The moment replaying over in her mind as she made her way below to the base to prepare.

Conflict with the First Order was inevitable now. Not a moment could be wasted.

Poe watched her leave with a heavy heart.

"You alright?"

He shrugged. "We should get going. Don't wanna keep 'em waiting."

Finn stopped him before he caught leave as Nova had. "You shouldn't worry."

"About what? The First Order? The war?" he half snapped. "Cause I don't have that luxury anymore."

"About Nova."

"You don't know her like I do."

"I know, but..." he was struggling to put it into words. It was something he had never seen or experienced before, but he knew that it was something special. Something real between the two pilots, plain as day. "The way she talked about you on the Falcon... you mean a lot to her. A lot."

Poe sighed, regaining his composure, even finding comfort in Finn's words. 'Just... give her space,' he reminded himself. It was the way things were.

"Come on."