It Had To Be You

Prologue: 5 Years Earlier - Goodbye

A/N: Many thanks to @honeyrg08 for the original plot bunny to set something in the future with some twists and turns, and to my true north, Robin, for helping me to refine my  thoughts into a plausible story. Hope you enjoy! This will probably be a short story of 3 to 5 chapters, but who knows?!?!? And those of you who know me know there is ALWAYS a HEA. So please don't fret. Thanks for joining me!

"So this is it, huh?" I mutter trying to not sound pouty. He slides his hands into his pockets and looks down with a sheepish smile that is so familiar to me it always makes me sigh.

"For now, I think it has to be." He looks up with sincere regret. "You know this is what I have to do."

I reach out and stroke down his arm, "I know you do." It's killing me inside, but I know he's right. The writing has been on the wall for a long time. I know he has feelings for me, even though he's never dared to express them. His every look and touch says it more loudly than words ever could. Just as I know mine do. We've been in our unique little bubble where we love and protect each other, but never cross the lines – no matter how tempting. And Lord, working with a naked Jamie Dornan is beyond tempting. Rehearsing and filming love scenes was not a problem for either of us and we both enjoyed it a bit too much. And it was obvious, hence an understandably jealous wife.

I really tried to back off. I dated. I saw people. I tried to feel half of what I feel for him with someone else, anyone else. But the heart wants what the heart wants and he is it for me. Regardless of how he might feel about me, his first and most important commitment is to his family. And I can't fault him for that.

He and Amelia have committed to putting work into their relationship for the sake of their marriage and their children. And I have committed to letting go of a pipe dream and moving on with my life.

I take a deep breath, smile, and hold my arms up for a hug. "I'll miss you, Jamie. And you know I wish you ALL the best. The very best life has to offer."

He pulls me in tight, tucks his face into my heck and inhales deeply – like always. "You know how I feel about you." He pauses and grips me tighter. "I don't know what it looks like, but I hope we can keep in touch because I can't imagine a life without you in it." He leans back to look into my eyes. He grins and bumps my nose with his in our unspoken move of affection for each other. "We've been through a lot. You're a part of me now. You'll always be in my heart."

I bump him back. "I know. Same for me." I lean up to kiss him softly on the cheek, lingering a few seconds too long. "Whatever is meant to be will be. We'll figure out if and how to keep in touch." I force myself to pull away from him. "We gotta go. We both have flights to catch."

He reaches out to take my face in his hands and places a soft, sweet, chaste kiss on my lips. "Goodbye, love. Be happy."

He turns and walks away and I think to myself, fat damn chance of that.

******

Walking away from her is the hardest thing I've ever done. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I just left half of my soul with her. I've spent the last three years of my life consumed by guilt for what I feel for her. I love her. Everything about her. I am IN love with her. And it's wrong. I have a wife who has been nothing but devoted. I have daughters who adore and need their Daddy. I owe it to them to try harder to make this work. So I will. This is going to hurt like hell, but I'm hoping it gets easier. Somehow, I doubt that will happen. Dakota Johnson is a force to be reckoned with and her absence is bound to leave a gaping hole in my heart.

*****

I turn away before he can see the tears streaming down my face. I just want to make it out of his sight before I crumble to my knees. This man. This man is my mate. Or he should be. But he's not. So I have to figure out how to put him out of my mind and out of my heart. I have a lot of projects coming up, so I can throw myself into work and disconnect from the real world for a while. That's what I need. Then I need to find some man candy. Right now, the thought makes me nauseous, but I need to put myself out there and get back on the horse eventually. At some point, I really want to get married and have a baby. I guess in my mind, that was always with Jamie. I can only hope there is someone out there who makes me feel what I feel for him....and who doesn't come with the complication of an existing family. Good luck to me.