It Had To Be You

Chapter 7: Game Time!

My heart skips a beat at the thought of seeing him tomorrow, but I need to do some serious mental preparation. Good Lord, I can't believe I vomited on him and acted like such a jealous bitch. I feel my face flush at the memory. That's part of the reason I want a buffer between us when we meet again.

He says he's not dating Bambi, but he is so naïve – always has been. He thinks she called and asked him to play golf. She called and asked him for a date or cows don't moo. And he went. I can't believe how territorial I feel. Maybe throwing up on him was my way of marking him, I snicker.

I heave a sigh and climb between my sheets. In some ways, he's the same Jamie – handsome as sin, sweet, competitive. In other ways, he's different. There is a calmness, a steadiness about him now that wasn't there before, which is probably testimony to what he has been through. In the past, he was like a hyperactive puppy at times, which was endearing. Now, he's more serious and contemplative, and when he looks me in the eye with that steady gaze, it's bone melting, unnerving, and slightly scary. I fear he is looking into my innermost thoughts and reading them in detail.

All of my deepest buried feelings for him have bubbled up and over these past weeks and I realize I care for him as much or more than I ever did. He consumes every last thought. He haunts my dreams. I fantasize about him. I know I was missing grand passion, but if this is it, it sucks. I feel sick half the time. He's sweet to me, but he's made no move. And he has no idea how I've changed. He's still a relatively young man and he might very well want more children. Knowing that I can't have any is sure to have a bearing in any relationship we might have.

With or without Jamie, it was the right decision to leave Bruce. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that leaves me feeling unfulfilled. I need to focus on being my best self, taking care of myself, making myself happy. I'm not weak or needy, nor am I incapable. I need to throw off my pity panties and get back to living. I need to be strong when I see Jamie, and I need to be calm, logical, and careful in what I say. I won't deny that I want him, but I repeat, he's done nothing to indicate he feels the same. He's fresh on the market, so to speak, and clearly ready to date. If not Bambi, someone. And he probably needs that – to just ease into the game and have some wild and crazy animal sex. And I don't want to be a rebound.

My inner bitch slaps me silly, "LIAR! You don't want him to sow his oats with someone else!"

No, I don't. Damn her. But the ball is in his court, and I need to tread carefully lest I make a fool of myself. If he heads off to date some young lovely, I want him to think of me and remember me as a lovely, supportive friend – not some jealous, crazy harpy who barfed on him.

******

I smile to myself as I shave. I don't care that she insists on a group, she's letting me in. That's enough. I can take it from here.

Based on her reactions to Bambi and what Don told me about Bruce, I'm sure she's in an emotional turmoil right now. I'll do my best to reassure her that Bambi is not an issue, then I'm going to start reeling her in. I don't want to overwhelm her or put pressure on her, but I want to get us on a forward path that leads to us being together.

I'm more steadfast than ever in my feelings for her. I'm not walking away from her again, and I'm not going to let her walk away from me. She'll have to climb over my cold dead body to get away from me.

I'm older and smarter. And I know what I want. I can be up front about it, and I can be patient. She's going to be mine eventually. I'm more than happy to put in the work to make that happen.

******

When I arrive at lunch, late as usual, Jamie and everyone else are already there. There is an empty seat beside him and he stands as I approach to help me with my chair. To my surprise, he pulled me in for a hug, gripped my chin to plant a chaste kiss on my lips and bumped my nose with a grin, "You look beautiful, love."